


Hope That You Don't Run From Me

by ekzxo (280_728)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, dad!sehun, quite the anticlimactic petty fights, solar bc i love gg mamamoo, squint for sehun internal conflict angst, u want a jongkimn and yeoli in ur life, very likely a sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19129594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/280_728/pseuds/ekzxo
Summary: Sehun asks for a sign, but he doesn't expect a crying baby coddled in yellow.Where, Sehun is surprised when a baby is left on his doorstep, and he immediately rushes to tell his best friend (and long time crush, Jongin). Jongin grows to love the child, and his best friend.Written for Rock A Bye FestRB064*





	Hope That You Don't Run From Me

**Author's Note:**

> ### Mod Notes
> 
> This work is written for the 2019 Rock A Bye Fic Fest: Round 1. We hope you enjoy! Make sure to give our writers all the love that they deserve~ Authors will be revealed on June 25!   
> 
> 
> ### Author Notes
> 
> This prompt reminds me of the movie Dumbo, I really did wonder if I should turn this into some fantasy where babies do fall from the sky. But I also remembered this k-drama where the man was meant to have this baby because he’s the father. This is something mixed with a bit of both! I added a few things to make this ride, a little more bumpy. A stranger’s baby is odd enough, but I had to do more, hadn’t I? 
> 
> This is my first ever EXO writing festival and first ever completed EXO fic.  
> Dear prompter and lovely readers, I hope you enjoy the journey. x

Sehun exhibits his signature gawky demeanor while lingering in front of his best friend’s apartment. He contemplates on whether this was his one of his greater ideas or not. Rather than questioning his entire wellbeing and sanity, he curls his fingers around the familiar doorknob and steps in. The scent of fresh linen greets his senses but it’s missing the fuse of Jongin’s gym bag that awaits behind the door. He must not be home yet, _good_. He plops onto the smokey gray loveseat and sends a quick text to Jongin, announcing his arrival.

Being here without Jongin is surprisingly unsettling. It’s not often that he comes into Jongin’s home without him. He is usually greeted with Jongin in the kitchen or him gamboling down the stairs with a wide grin and wet hair plastered to his forehead. Coming to a homey home without Jongin doesn’t feel too homey.

Taking the chance to be alone in Jongin’s house for a rare first time, he decides to snoop the fridge for any type of snack that will relieve the nerves that coil in his stomach. He spots those tiny yogurt drinks that taste creamy and yet fizzy. Sehun’s never understood why Jongin is so passionate about those beverages. Curious, he decides to drink one for himself, realizing he’s never given it a chance, albeit the time Jongin shoved it in his face, pleading him to _at least try it!_

It’s whatever really. The bubbles occur on his tongue, and even in his chest. Sehun’s body tickles in some weird way knowing that he did something that would please Jongin. He can’t wait to tell him about it once he arrives. It would go with something like Sehun saying he’s finally tried the fizzy yogurt cups, and Jongin would get him in a headlock, kissing his forehead and cooing that he’s _such a big boy_. Their dynamics are odd for friends, but considering they’ve known each other since childhood, nothing they do would ever make either of them uncomfortable.

 _Well_ , whatever the other person doesn’t know will keep their relationship neutral.

Sehun and Jongin never share a dull moment, nor have they ever found themselves in an unspeakable tension with each other. Fights amongst the pair happens, its bound to happen between long term friends. Besides senseless petty talk (Sehun whining that Jongin wears leather better than him) and tiny embarrassing secrets (when Jongin had stole Sehun’s strange magazines during their hormonal developing phase), they get along awfully well. Everything they have is so blunt and honest, their moments are always cheerful and mesmerizing.

Sehun thinks he ruined it all ever since he developed feelings.

It is the single thing that Sehun thinks could break everything they built together.

A gust of wind makes Sehun shiver and alerts him of Jongin’s sudden presence. He turns to the direction of the door, facing his favorite type of Jongin. Beholding what is perfection to him, Sehun struggles to keep his expression so obvious. He favors his best friend in his fitting outfit — skinny brown jeans that hug his legs perfectly and a sleeveless tee that reveals all the right amount of his toned biceps. His hair is an unkempt shamble that gets Sehun’s imagination dancing wild, such things that friends aren’t supposed to think about with one another.

“Sehun! Hey!” Jongin cheers, throwing his duffle in that same spot and slipping off his converse. He raises his arm to engulf Sehun in a one armed hug but Sehun backs away too soon before they could get into contact. Jongin then frowns, “Right, I’m a mess!”

_That’s what Jongin believes._

Sehun truly would not care to hug a Jongin like this. He just doesn’t want to hug him period because he thinks he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Go, go upstairs and shower.” Sehun tells him while he begins to strip in his own living room. _Please, not now, Sehun mentally pleas._

Jongin grins. “Yeah! The sooner the better!”

Sehun should have never came here.

It’s never good to visit Jongin during his dance workshop days. He’d rather face a nicely dressed Jongin, or a bedhead Jongin, not that thing over there. He hasn’t seen Jongin sporting athletic wear and sheer sweat since he’s developed feelings. He’s always avoided the passionate Jongin who overworked his body, opting in making visits around the evening.

It’s not entirely the timing, but why he came here is what makes him feel most pathetic.

Sehun came with intentions to have Jongin help him prepare for his date. He wants to see if there is any sign of dismay. He doubts Jongin would ever return feelings, but if he can at least get a glimpse of Jongin’s discomfort at the idea of Sehun going on a date, it’s enough pleasure to Sehun. It’s wrong for Sehun to even think that. For him to want to see an inkling of hurt on his best friend’s face makes him a terrible being. But he needs something. Whether Jongin is disappointed from Sehun going on a date, or having to accept the fact that he has to share his best friend, Sehun just wants Jongin to feel a similar pain.

There has been an abundance of dates that Sehun has been on within the last couple months, though, he hasn’t really told Jongin anything besides the fact that he’s going out with coworkers. He finds shame in telling his best friend, and crush, that he has found them via social networking apps. He couldn’t come up with a lie if he tried because of how awful he is at at lying to Jongin — shy sputtering and turning into the shade of a red hot air balloon.

Tonight, he’s meeting up with someone he bumped into on his run to pick up his boss’ lunch. This is something new for Sehun and he thinks Jongin’s comfort before his date will help him, considering the man he met a few days ago is madly attractive and charming. With the other men, he’s only seen them through apps, so of course he found himself nervous before meeting them, but he had a well description of how they were based off their profiles. He doesn’t know this man at all. As fucking strange as it seems, he thinks Jongin could help him start his evening off right.

 _Stupid! Going to your crush for help when you’re trying to go on dates to move on from said-crush. Pathetic!_ Sehun sighs, heading in the direction where Jongin previously left.

Taking a peek in Jongin’s closet, Sehun retrieves a silky indigo dress shirt detailed with miniature flower petals. It’s often they share the same clothing because of their similar body types. It’s why Sehun is here, an urge to make an impression on his date tonight (and for Jongin even if it’s just for a second that he captivates him). Jongin has such a wide variety of clothes that’ll help with everything. Whereas Sehun hates formal clothes despite his sophisticated job, Jongin loves dressing up fancy for someone who owns a dance workshop. Jongin has such delight in collecting the latest brand named clothing pieces that fit his style. In rare times, he would make a risky purchase, getting something out of his comfort zone. This particular shirt must be one of them, but Sehun thinks he’d look gorgeous regardless of anything Jongin might think.

“Bold.”

Jongin’s voice frightens him, causing him to raise the wooden hanger up in defense.

“Don’t worry. Just me.” Jongin steps forward, a hand on Sehun’s wrist to lower his makeshift weapon. “That would look good on you. You said fancy dinner, right?”

“Yes.”

Sehun reflects back to when he met Chanyeol who, too, was in a formal suit, flaunting a flashy gold watch. He needs to look his absolute best with sharp etiquettes. His past dates within the last couple of weeks were mediocre, where they did simple lunches or took walks in public with cold drinks. Chanyeol insisted to take him to some high end steakhouse, ratings and reviews skyrocketing over the roof.

“Try it on.” Jongin prods the shirt at Sehun’s chest.

Sehun shoves Jongin, but to his distress, Jongin doesn’t move an inch. There isn’t any reason for him to be nervous with Jongin staring at him undress. They’ve done this more times than he could count when they were young, even in their teenage years, they began to get even more comfortable. It’s only been a concern to Sehun recently however, when Jongin came out as bisexual a few years ago. He’s been attentive with his own actions even if he’s certain Jongin has no attraction to him. There’s self consciousness and everything else that comes with having a crush with a childhood best friend.

Hastily he unbuttons his formal shirt from work not bothering to flex or anything because it wouldn’t matter. He slips on the silky dress shirt that belongs to Jongin, not acquiring his unique smell on it. The silk feels cool against his skin which makes the situation feel suddenly reassuring. He peers over to Jongin while doing up this shirt with its sea pearl designed buttons. He thinks he sees a flush of red on Jongin’s cheeks but that also could just be from Sehun blinking too fast or something.

“So?” Sehun mumbles, straightening his posture and looking over to the full body mirror where he confidently poses and runs a hand through his hair.

Jongin coughs. “Yeah, good.”

There’s light weight on his shoulders, and Sehun sees Jongin placing a dark blue suit jacket over him. He brings his hands into the sleeves and straightens it. He admits this is the most expensive he’s ever looked. He’s completely drooling over himself, if only he knew what Jongin thought about how he looked. The shirt is such an outstanding piece that gives him a wild burst of confidence, he just might try to fish a few compliments out of Jongin.

“I have matching pants, too.”

Jongin shuffles around then chucks them at Sehun while he considers buttoning the jacket.

Sehun’s entire date outfit is pieced together, though Jongin tops it off with a gold bangle that he claims he doesn’t really like so Sehun can have it. He offers brown dress shoes but Sehun insists with sticking with the work shoes he already has.

He wants to make this his new photo for his dating profile, but if this night goes well, he just might not need that app anymore. He really, really enjoyed the limited time he had with Chanyeol, and he thinks he’s going to make an amazing impression tonight. Maybe tonight, with Chanyeol, he’ll finally get over Jongin.

It won’t come all at once like falling asleep, but if things go well, he could have enough of a distraction that maybe Jongin won’t have his heart as strongly as he’s had the last decade.

Sehun shyly admits, “I like this.”

Downstairs, Sehun has his clothing folded neatly, placed at the table stand by the door. He decides to leave this here since he’ll come back tomorrow. Jongin begged him to come and tell him all about his date (because, just like he’s never asked Jongin for help, he’s never told Jongin about the dates).

The two momentarily stare at each other with one sided smiles. Jongin must know how well his outersuit complemented Sehun’s choice in a shirt. He must think Sehun looks breathtaking, maybe, right? Sehun doesn’t know to leave now, considering he’s got a good thirty minutes until he’s supposed to meet his date. But he’s feeling anxious and afraid of his best friend all over again, though that feeling never left. He should leave now.

“Guess I’ll be on my way.” Sehun comments softly, slipping his feet into his shoes which look pleasant next to Jongin’s shoes.

Jongin pats his shoulder and opens the door for him. It feels weird because Jongin almost never just walks him to the door. He would beg him to stay a little longer, then proceed to get him some snacks for the road. He would go as far as to walk him out to his car, slap his window until Sehun would roll it down just so they could talk some more. Stopping here with a smile that lacks a genuine attitude gives him a weird feeling.

“You don’t want to be late.”

In the midst of bidding a farewell to Jongin, Sehun fantasizes over an alternate moment. He believes there is a perfect universe where the most important person in his life will tell him to stay.

 

Sehun recognizes his date sitting against a potted plant, leg bouncing frantically and his fingertips tapping on his phone excessively. He doesn’t understand what this man has to be nervous of. Chanyeol is hands down, absolutely perfect — excluding what Sehun thinks of Jongin. They have entirely different features though, so Sehun isn’t really comparing here. He has the most brightest smile that Sehun has ever seened, its what reeled him in from the start. Just as their previous encounter, his hair slicked back hair which makes him wonder what it looks like naturally, excluding products. He is still dressing awfully fancy in a way that Sehun doesn’t think he could keep up with if they continue to date.

All of Sehun’s recent dates these last few months have been unsuccessful. A total of nine dates since his birthday. Sehun has never been the type to date, until he turned twenty four and realized he’s only had two serious relationships. It had started with dating for fun the first couple of times when he would go out with his boss or friends other than Jongin. Eventually after meeting people in bad, party environments, it occurred to him that he wants to know people better than being faced finding attraction physically. He attempted to use a dating app and most of the dates went well, but there was nobody that gave him the thrill factor. His dates weren’t disasters. They simply could not compare to what Sehun has been looking for… preferably Jongin.

Chanyeol, though, Chanyeol wooed him when they met over bento boxes. While waiting for their orders in the bustling hole-in-the wall shop, there were no more seats available. Chanyeol had offered to occupy the same table while waiting. He made a hilarious joke about the sea, and that’s when he gave away that captivating smile and began an odd hunched over laughing outburst. Sehun thought instantly, _I need that._

Sehun can’t wait any longer. He’s actually excited— a feeling he hasn’t had over a date since the seventh one where they went for his favorite milk tea shop.

“Hey!” Sehun cheerily greets while approaching his date.

Chanyeol looks up like a concerned puppy for a second before flashing Sehun a warm smile. “Hi, back to you.”

Unlike everything Sehun envisioned during the strut into the extravagant restaurant, Chanyeol gives him the exact polar. It starts with Chanyeol rudely claiming his table with the hostess, he points fingers, juts his bottom lip out with furrowed eyebrows when they tell him only booth seats are available because of how Sehun mentioned that liked chaired seating by windows. When they do have an table with a dim candle, Chanyeol complains that he has a difficult time seeing words on the menu. A menu in which, is way too expensive for Sehun with his already limited salary. He’s aware Chanyeol would pay, because of his whole vain ego that he’s shown to Sehun already.

When Chanyeol leaves to make another complaint, Sehun takes his chance to contact Jongin. They don’t do this often, mostly because Sehun never told him about his recent dates anyways, but he really needs Jongin to excuse him from this date right now. A charming first time doesn’t always mean the followings will be the same. It’s an understatement to say that Sehun is scared. He’s not sure he wants to be around someone with such a dominating attitude. Who knows what would ever happen to them in the future? Sehun doesn’t want to find out.

_Helpppppp meeeeee!! Emergency call JONG!!!!!!!_

The second Chanyeol’s presence is obvious, Sehun raises his phone and portrays a concerned expression.

“I’m having an excessive amount of texts. Mind if I take—“ Sehun’s phone echoes with Jongin’s signature ringtone. “I should answer this.”

“Sehun, wait!” Chanyeol shouts a bit too frantically for being in such a divine environment.

Smiley weakly, Sehun replies, “It’ll take a second.”

Chanyeol stands up and it worries Sehun to think that they will be stirring a scene with all these people with their shiny cleavages and slick styled hair. He’s sitting down when Sehun inches back towards their table to prevent them from being kicked out.

“You’re taking the fake urgent phone call to get out of this. I know it.” Chanyeol inches forward, pointing to the empty chair in front of him, “Listen, sit down please?”

Sehun does so, pocketing his phone into his suit. He feels guilt for having Chanyeol pick up on his selfish intentions. He hears the desperation in his date’s voice and deeply wants to apologize for being inconvenient.

Chanyeol makes direct contact with Sehun, a gaze that makes Sehun feel like he’s burning alive. He breathes out slowly before finding finds his words, “I’m not this type of person. Everything was a fabrication to make a good impression.”

Sehun doesn’t understand where this is is going, only mumbling a soft, “Chanyeol.”

“That’s what you’re disappointed in, right? We can go ice skating or something next time. I don’t even wear these clothes or eat at places like this! You caught me in a day where I had a job interview. And, I thought wow, if I could just go on one date with someone as beautiful as you. I’m so sorry. Please don’t make this end so soon.”

His date sounds so, so desperate, so pathetic. Sehun remains feeling guilty, but remembers that the man he shares a romantic table with also lied to him from the start. He huffs out, “Why here, this date then? If it’s not who you are.”

Chanyeol folds his hands together. “To match up with how I came off on Monday. I figured if you dressed well, you ate well. I wanted to treat you at least once because I had expected you wouldn’t want another.”

“Well I don’t.” Sehun looks down, then back up at Chanyeol, “At least not with whoever you were earlier.”

“Fuck.” There’s a cute grin playing on Chanyeol’s face, one that he’s only seen once when he bumped into chanyeol for the first second they locked eyes.

Sehun laughs but he’s still a bit confused. He just pouts. “Huh?”

“Let’s hope they don’t spit on our food.” Chanyeol laughs nervously. “I should probably apologize and tip them very well.”

That’s what Sehun was interested in. That sincere, considerate person he shared a table with from the start. Someone like him can really help rid of his feelings for Jongin.

“Do you like ice skating?” Chanyeol asks enthusiastically.

“Roller skating is better.”

“Spring baby?”

Sehun returns a gentle smile. “Yes. I suppose you’re born in December?”

“Sure am.”

 

Even if Chanyeol confesses that he borrowed his friend money to pay for this dinner, Sehun still manages to find it oddly amusing. He isn’t upset, nor did he find Chanyeol to be any less of a man (or a human for this instance, because _who lies like this?_ ) and decides that he wants to see him some more. They do agree on a skating date, where Chanyeol insists that he’ll pay this time and dress casual and not seem like such a jerk. Sehun believes him.

It’s a beautiful night, really, and Sehun genuinely wants to prolong their date to a night outing somewhere. It’s too bad Chanyeol says he has no money, which, Sehun insisted to pay.

“I was kidding.” Chanyeol is too funny. “I just have another interview tomorrow morning.”

They’ll talk about it next time, Chanyeol promises. Today all they had talked about was the most random things, just conversation fillers. It wasn’t much for Sehun to gage who Chanyeol Park really is. He just knows that he likes music and oversized clothes.

As he drives home with his music pouring out of his windows that roll entirely down, Sehun smiles to himself. He wonders how this day can beat itself in the record of good days. It did start off roughly with his boss asking for strenuous tasks and almost not allowing him to leave earlier. Now he ends his day with a date that reflected simularily as his moment with Jongin from earlier, a thin line between good and bad.

Sehun desperately needs something to distract his pining heart. He wishes that everything today will lead up to his solution.

The sky, it’s like a bucket of cool tones tipped over. Shades of blue and purple paint the sky. And if Sehun squints enough, he can see the copious amount of stars shining. He likes to think that for every star in the sky, there is a new possibility for him.

Perhaps a new boyfriend will come to play in his life.

There are so many different things that Sehun takes risks for. He likes to let a little into his life and whether it’s a good or bad thing, there’s some bit of experience and stories to share.

Sehun is not really much of a satchel type of guy. He didn’t start wearing them until Jongin once lost his favorite one, unable to carry all of his items in his jean pockets. He never bought a new one because his previous bag was irreplaceable to him. Sehun decided to purchase a sachet of his own because he didn’t like going out with Jongin and hearing him complain about not knowing where to put his stuff (wallet, coin pouch, sunscreen sticks, lip balm, sunglasses when they were indoors). He began offering Jongin some extra space, and it resulted in Sehun becoming attached to the bag and Jongin’s need. He loves to be the solution to Jongin’s problems. He loves being someone that Jongin can rely on.

Sunshine yellow with golden zippers, he didn’t think it was his style. Now he leaves his car with his fingers clinging tightly to the straps as he has his car keys in the other.

There’s something distracting him from stepping any further to his home. Fumbling with the mini compartment of his bag, he retrieves his phone and turns on the flash. A whine resonates from his porch, too quiet, making Sehun believe its all in his head. He settles with inching closer, carefully. His yard house lights go on, making him flinch. It’s what gives him a better image of something on his welcoming mat.

What comes to mind first beyond anything else is to have Jongin’s contact page on, just in case. He has no reason to be afraid, but there is just this noise, something uncommon coming from Sehun’s doorstep and he does not have a single inkling of what it could be.

“What’s crying?” Sehun whispers to himself as he gathers the courage to finally tip toe towards his door.

The tip of Sehun’s shoes meet the concrete stair step when he sees a patchy blanket bundled up in a ball. It’s as if Sehun’s presence brings it to a calm state, or a mortified one. What had been whimpering is suddenly mute and Sehun lacks knowing whether its a good sign or if he should possess concern. He is able to gage it better now that his house light and phone flash interweave together. _It_ is no longer something that appalls him but leaves his chest feeling heavy. His heartbeat doesn’t race to the same extent as his mind. It pounds at a fleeting pace and his head fails to comprehend the sight his eyes perceive.

Sehun kneels down, fingers gently hooking over the blanket to reveal a baby trembling in silence. He gathers the baby in his arms, bringing it to an immediate embrace. His entire heart is warm from the foreign contact and he only hopes that it could radiate to this baby. Nuzzling it close to his chest, he rises up, not wanting to keep it under the cold night sky for any longer.

Inside his home, he turns on a dim lamp, wanting their eyes to adjust to the light. He rarely uses the heater, it’s absolutely irrelevant during the month of August, but he sets it on max to heat up sooner.

There isn’t really a comfortable spot he can think of, to put the baby on, so he opts with sitting on his single chaise and sets the baby on his lap with its feet pressing against his stomach. He unravels the blankets that covers the baby’s cheeks. Delicately with a smidge of hesitance, he traces the baby’s features with his thumb, wanting to mesmerize every dip and curve. He feels insensible for being unaware of its birth sex and just calling the baby an it in his head, so he examines nervously. To his luck, there is a clean cloth diaper and… it’s a girl.

“I will take care of you.” Sehun whispers, bringing her closer to his face.

Sehun gives her stomach a gentle peck, lingering for a few seconds just to feel a faint heartbeat. He is oblivious to the tears he sheds until he sees a trail of dampness on the surface of her belly. He wipes his eyes and let his lips hover her face, though he is unsure if he should kiss her cheek since the baby seems quite young. She’s still an awfully light shade with some pinkish which makes Sehun assume she’s a few weeks old, but he doesn’t know anything about infants. He doesn’t know a single thing about babies.

He doesn’t know what to do.

Abruptly, he pulls out his phone, but another part of his mind makes him hang up on the call he was starting.

He cradles the baby, amused that she has not cried since. He thinks she’s in a deep sleep as of now because of her tight eyes shut and her mouth slightly apart. Because of how thin and shoddy her blanket is, he finds a blanket from his coat closet and bundles her up in that. There is still an unknown urge to cover her in her original blanket. He sets her on the couch with pillows surrounding her and pulls out his laptop from beneath his coffee table.

It’s time to do some research.

For the next two hours, he gains a decent amount of baby knowledge. He’s no expert, but he does know what nutrients a baby would need, and what body temperature they should maintain. He briefly looks at stages of babies but doesn’t want to get too deep into this. He knows what to expect from an infant around a month to three months old, it’s all he wants to know for now since he’s still rather overwhelmed. And then there are the obvious things, like needing a carseat and lukewarm baths.

The more unsure he feels about what to do, and how far things will go, the more he wants her. Sehun cannot fathom how he will do any of this, but he’s not abandoning her.

She needs a home, she needs somebody to care for her, she needs love. Sehun is set to be the person that can give Solar everything.

“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t have much right now.” Sehun mumbles as he rubs her leg. “You’ll need to eat soon, won’t you?”

Though it is nearing midnight, Sehun calls the only person on his favorites list. Within a few seconds, Jongin is answering with a groggy voice, earning a small smile from Sehun.

“Can you… come over?” Sehun does not know how to explain the situation. He doesn’t know how to get Jongin here without giving out too much, since he finds it more reasonable to tell Jongin in person.

“What’s wrong?”

Sehun sighs as he already expecting that Jongin would make this hard on him. “I need you to be here for me to tell you.”

“If this is about your date—”

“It’s not.” Sehun grumbles, somehow slightly offended. “Fine, it’s okay. Don’t come.”

Sehun does not know what made him irritated at Jongin’s words, but it certainly did. It must be the way Jongin said it, the way he was implying that he wouldn’t come. He finds himself upset for no reason, but maybe it’s because of his exhaustion. He did experience the most unpredictable dates of his life, and received the most unpredictable, but greatest gift all within in a few hours. He lays on his side, head on his forearm and knees tucked to his chest as his baby is right next to him.

“My baby.” Sehun thinks wow, _my baby._

There’s a blaring sound pulling him away from his sleep. _Sleep_? He wasn’t aware that he was dozing off at all. Reaching over to his phone above his head, he finds out that it’s only been roughly twenty minutes since his last call. He roams his eyes to the sound, to realize that there is a knock on the door. What if it’s the biological parent of the baby? He won’t let them take her back, they won’t harm her any longer. Creeping towards the door, he makes sure to make his presence as obscure as possible in case they can sense it through the thin walls. He peeks into the door’s peephole and furrows his eyebrows when he figures out that Jongin is leaning against his door with grizzly bear pajamas and a brown fluffy hoodie. _Why’s he so cute when Sehun is unknowingly mad at him?_

And immediately, Sehun is no longer mad at him because he’s here. He’s standing on his welcoming mat in grizzly bear pajamas and a brown fluffy hoodie. At 12:07 AM.

“Hey.” Sehun greets tiredly, swinging the door open for Jongin.

“What’s wrong?” Jongin says and flickers the light on. “What’s that dirty rag doing on your couch?”

Sehun frowns. He didn’t necessarily think it was dirty when he first saw it. While on his laptop earlier, during his studying he’d check on the baby, and started to think of the reasons why it had been him of all people, why it had been her of all newborns. All he had was the blanket. He explored the details of the blanket she arrived in. It was thin and had patches, giving him the impression that the family must not of been well off. But it wasn’t dirty. It was handcrafted with different fabric designs. It wasn’t dirty. It seemed valuable. Sehun believes they had cared, but could no longer do so financially.

Jongin’s swift movements are what brings his attention back. His silence must of concerned Jongin, so he places his hands on his chest and stops him before he could get any closer to his baby.

“I’ll explain.” Sehun pleas, hands falling down Jongin’s body and to his sides where he seems unsure of what to do with his hands.

“Why are you acting so weird?”

Sehun ends up tugging at Jongin’s hand, bringing him to the single seat. He sits down immediately with a sigh. For a moment, Sehun wonders if this was the right time, or is it right to tell Jongin this at all? He doesn’t think Jongin would be mad, or do something irrational. He just might be afraid that Jongin could never see him the same way, for wanting to keep a stray baby. He hates the control Jongin has over him, he cares too deeply about what his best friend thinks about him.

Sehun simmers down his nerves, picking the baby and crouch down in front of Jongin. He moves the blankets away from her body and begins rocking her. With an apprehensive feeling looming around his whole body, he slowly gazes up, afraid to see his best friend’s expression.

“My doorstep…” Sehun can’t get the words out. They’re stuck in his throat when he sees the look of disapproval on Jongin’s face.

Jongin stands abruptly, nearly kicking Sehun. He covers his mouth and points, “You need to bring him back to— to whoever is in charge of babies!”

Sehun shields her from Jongin’s aggression and loudness. Though on the edge, Jongin also sounds mortified and lost, opposite of what Sehun had even felt when he discovered the baby.

“It’s a her! And no. What if they take her away from me?”

Firmly, he scoffs in response, “It’s some stranger’s baby.” That makes Sehun flinch. Now, there's hand on Sehun’s back attempting to sooth him. It’s almost working. “Bring her back to safety.” And just like his sudden actions, his voice follows just as gentle.

Bringing his face away from the baby’s head, he peers to Jongin who has a hand out. They stand up together, shoulders touching as they stare at the baby in Sehun’s arms. From the corner of Sehun’s eyes he thinks he can see Jongin’s lips curving in a small smile. He curls his pinky beneath her fingers and lets her wave at Jongin.

“Whoever left her was not fit. She will not go back to whoever abandoned her. The parents must of knew. They knew they couldn’t do it. Can’t you see? She belongs to me. I’m in love with her already.”

“Okay, Sehun.” Jongin breathes out deeply. “We should still get her registered as a citizen. You need to think long term. You really want to keep her? Infant to a crawling toddler, then kindergarten? If we want to enroll her, we need to think about her identity.”

Jongin’s always been the more sensible, smarter one between them. It’s why the only thing Sehun grasper was, _“We?”_

“Sehun.” Jongin says with his arms crossed.

“Fine! I’ll look up this all tomorrow!” Sehun says with a joking attitude.

Jongin seems like he’s easing into this by the way he wraps an arm around Sehun’s waist and smiles at the baby with a pinky _petting_ at her ear.

Sehun looks up with his chest feeling bubbly from the proximity of him and his crush. Trying not to let out the obvious of his big giddy mood over being so close to Jongin, he jokes, “You think googling what do I do if there’s a baby on my doorstep, will help?”

The expression on Jongin’s face becomes serious. “There’s so much to think about.”

“Oh!” Sehun pipes up and hits Jongin’s chest. “That’s why I called you. I mean, we need to buy stuff! I couldn’t of gone out without a car seat. I know she’ll be hungry soon. She’ll need diapers, too.”

As if on queue, the baby starts whining, a tiny little weep escaping her throat.

“And so parenthood begins.” Jongin’s comment is so miniscule but sways Sehun in such a way.

Sehun takes Jongin’s hand in his and leads him to the more cozier couch and asks him to sit down. He lays a blanket on his lap and uses his single free hand to move Jongin’s hands into a right position to hold Solar. He’s aware that Jongin has never been much of a baby person. He prefers toddlers and preteens to teach at his workshops. When there had been events where dancers introduced him to their families involving a baby, he’d shy away or not really know what to do with the baby.

“Whether you like it or not.” Sehun says and puts the baby into his arms.

Jongin squirms in his place but manages to keep the baby’s head on his forearm and the palm of his hand beneath her. Sehun swoons at the sight, wanting to pull his phone out and capture the moment. But right now really isn’t the time.

“Now if you don’t mind, I’ll try to be quick!”

 

The local pharmacy store is the only place that would be open at this time, Sehun assumes. From what he can expect, they should have milk formula there and diapers. Maybe it’s expensive compared to superstores but he knows what to expect on behalf of doing his research previously.

Unsure of where to resort to at all, he asks for assistance from the cashier. He doesn’t mean to base things off typical standards, but he’s particularly happy to see a middle aged woman standing behind the counter, meaning, she must have some of the knowledge that Sehun seeks.

“Hi.” Sehun waves awkwardly. “Do you know where the baby formula aisle is?”

“Thirty four, on the south side. Would you like me to assist you there?” She insists, already maneuvering her way from the counter and main floor.

Sehun follows her assuringly, watching the fluorescent lights reflect on the white tiles with every passing. His nerves are racking up because he hopes she doesn’t prod him with questions that he does not have answers to. He should of protested her sincere help but Sehun doesn’t know how to say no. But now she’s asking how old is the baby, and he doesn’t know that. She questions the formula brand she usually drinks but he doesn’t know that either.

“‘I’m just babysitting!” Sehun blurts out with his hands twitching in his pockets. “She’s like a newborn but not.”

“Well, then her mother might of provided—”

Feeling suddenly, extremely uncomfortable with that word and where it could be headed, Sehun rushes out utter nonsense, “I remember which one she uses now, thank you so much.

She smiles pleasantly. “I’ll see you when I ring you up!”

Sehun goes for the most expensive brand, assuming its popular. He considers when he sees _#1 pediatrician and parent trusted_ on another. He opts in buying them both. The price surely makes his heart twinge but he ignores the feeling because he won’t settle for anything less than perfect for this baby.

He finds his own way to the diapers this time, not too far from formula and reaches for the one he had remember from the website. His arms nearly cave out when he raises the box with little effort. It’s heavier than he thought.

He realizes he should of got a cart because everything is surprisingly so heavy.

Sehun never really gave himself much time after landing that job of his. With that came less time for his hobbies like dancing and working out. He could really use the gym if he’s going to start carrying diapers and formula, and a baby in a car set on the normal. Even on behalf of his boss babying him with a silver spoon on the job, he had considered going back to maintaining dedication towards his body. Now it seems more necessary (because it really aches him to carry all of this).

Now work, how will he tell Baekhyun that he suddenly has a child and needs a personal leave until he can find a babysitter. Will he even grasp the concept of having to leave her? Surely by the time his daddy leave is up, he’ll gain the largest attachment and can’t possibly muster up any strength to leave her behind.

Sehun’s boss adores him anyways, there’s a chance he can do everything from home with his baby. Baekhyun may even find a babysitter of his own rather than to put that on Sehun’s shoulders because the the kind of man he is to Sehun.

Walking over to the cashier with four bottles of formula, a large pack of diapers, and baby wipes all stacked upon one another leaning against his chest, he heaves a heavy breath.

“Thought it was a single night of babysitting?”

“I’ll be doing it often. Figured I should have this stuff around.” Sehun isn’t really lying, just interpreting a different scenario.

It’s a pleasure to hear stories of her grandchildren while she caters to him. She has a fond smile as she shares her most recent experience — taking her first grandson to kindergarten. It makes Sehun envision the future a bit. Her first step, first word, the time when he has to train her to potty and tie her laces. His throat tickles with something he can’t detect. But he thinks he might cry.

 

Sehun can hear her whines from the driveway already. He hurries out and into his home to find Jongin pacing in circles and patting her bum while cradling her. It’s only been seconds but he feels his heart lurch at the sight and his knees caving in. Jongin looks so exhausted but when he peers up, there’s so much relief washing over his face. Everything looks so domestic, from his happily grateful expression at Sehun, to the way he sways her to soothe her. Sehun is so in love.

“I’ll take her.” Sehun says and once he does, it’s as if the world turns from black and white to color. She’s silent as ever and the two exchange a look of amusement.

“You’re really her parent.” Jongin says in awe, hands on his hips, pacing in a more calmer manor than before.

Sehun nudges his chin towards the door. “Get everything out please, Jongin.”

“Yes, sir!” Jongin salutes at him, earning a laugh from Sehun. “You’ve got the magic touch. I am under your service, king.”

“Shut up!”

Sehun suppresses his massive grin because he’s afraid he might shoot Jongin with heart eyes. He's been told that his emotions are easy to read with just his eyes and lips. Jongin has known him too long, and yet hasn’t picked up on that. Sehun is mortified that one day he’ll become too obvious.

Jongin complains on how heavy the diapers are for a hundred pack. He places the formula on the counter and stares at Sehun with an unreadable look, something Sehun definitely cannot decipher from his best friend.

“What, Jongin?”

“You don’t have bottles? You didn’t buy a bottle?”

“Oh my. Ugh, fuck. Are you kidding me!” Sehun drops to his knees with his baby in his arms. He’s feeling defeated right now the slightest bit. “I forgot bottles.”

“Hey, hey. I’ll go get one.”

Kai rubs at his back soothingly but Sehun flinches away. He doesn’t want to absorb any affection from the person he loves most at this moment. Because he’s feeling too vulnerable, too embarrassed. He can’t possibly accept the comforting gesture when he feels like he doesn’t deserve it one bit.

Kai can't read his mind. He doesn’t understand why Sehun pulls away, instead he just puts his chin on Sehun’s head and squeezes at his shoulders anyways. “Don’t worry. Alright?”

He’s out the door before Sehun can get any word in.

While Sehun sits on the ground with his baby close, he thinks of everything that can go wrong. He’s really about to do this? Taking in a child that isn’t even his. Maybe Jongin is right, taking legal actions and bringing her to an orphanage. Then again, who will adopt? How will she get proper treatment? Sehun might live a life knowing he found a baby that was given up, just to give her up again? Sehun shakes his head, certain that he will not let that happen. He can’t.

In no way so far has he told himself that he does not want her. He definitely does. Maybe he’s thinking he can’t do it right now, but as he takes a look at her, he feels it all over again, like every single other time his eyes fell upon her. He’s absolutely in love with her, in a different way than how his heart feels for Jongin. He knows he can’t possibly ever… not want her.

“I think I love you already.” Sehun whispers and pecks her forehead.

How is she so peaceful in his arms? It’s like he’s meant to be for her. He’ll try his best to be everything she needs.

Sehun glances through the window when he sees light flashing through it. The time that Jongin is gone is not long at all because it’s only been about ten minutes of him edging towards a breakdown. It’s amusing and deceiving how this baby breaks him apart but holds him together all at once.

“So… let’s read the instructions.” Jongin says while heading towards the kitchen.

Sehun finally manages to get up and prepare lukewarm water from the faucet. He thinks he should of purchased distilled baby water, but figures water he drinks is okay. He’s not sure but he’ll want to look that up tomorrow. Jongin puts two spoons of the powder then shakes the bottle.

“I remember them saying not to shake it with the nipple thing. Powder might go inside that.” Sehun mentions, pointing at the bottle in Jongin’s hands.

“Oh.” Jongin says quietly.

“There’s always next time. Besides, I want to buy different water. And… sorry but that bottle looks cheap and we’ll have to try again tomorrow.”

Jongin smiles at him fondly before pecking his forehead. Sehun freezes at that, his temple burning like therapeutic coal rocks at a paradise resort. It fucking stings and remains tingly just because of Jongin’s lips.

“Not in front of the baby!” Sehun shrugs off — tries to at least.

“Cute.” Jongin laughs. “I got it at the liquor store because we needed them like… ASAP.”

It’s Sehun’s turn to just go, “Oh.”

“You’ve done your research so well in such a short time. You’re so good.”

Sehun simply responds, not too smugly, “I try.”

With the bottle and the blanket in one hand, Jongin uses his other to intertwine with Sehun’s hand. He says gently, “Let’s go upstairs.”

Sehun places his baby in the center of his bed in the most careful way before cornering her with tons of pillows. His mind is cloudy and careless when he undresses entirely, stripping just to his boxers and under tank before collapsing onto the bed. He sees Jongin from the corner of his vision occupying the open space in without hesitation.

Patting his baby’s belly between them, he thinks he could live like this forever. Well, speaking of a domestic life with Jongin, that’s what he wants. He can’t live this moment forever — sleeping with an infant and Jongin — his baby will grow up and sleep in her own room. But that’s exactly what Sehun envisions. He wants to whine to Jongin to check up on their two year old in the room next door because their baby monitor detects cries and movements. He wants to walk hand in hand with Jongin and take turns pecking kisses on her forehead then turning pages together for her bed story before early kinder classes. If he could spend the rest of his life with Jongin and Solar (maybe a few more, and pets) he would.

Sehun smiles to himself, making a noise with his lips and teeth that make Jongin flutter his eyes open. Before he could question him why, Sehun whispers, “She came on a starry night.”

“That’s really great, Sehun.” Jongin says quiet and blissfully.

“Her name is Solar.”

Jongin scoots closer, if possible, draping an arm over Solar to reach and caress Sehun’s arm. His efforts have no end whilst he just blinks and gazes at Sehun. There’s no feeling like this. Sehun is so happy. He knows the next couple days, months, years, will be tough and unpredictable but if Jongin is with him he could get through anything. He almost regrets how he was being so hesitant with telling Jongin earlier.

“You’ll really help me?” Sehun mumbles, adjusting how he’s laying because the hand he rests his head on is getting numb. He wants to lay on his back, but he wants to keep their deep contact intact.

“More than that. You can’t do it alone, can you?” Jongin kneads his arm with more pressure, almost like a reassuring squeeze.

“From the moment I brought her in, I knew she’d change my life. I would of done anything.”

“Could you, do it alone? If I didn’t offer?”

“Everything is just happening. I don’t have a choice.” Sehun didn’t have a choice, but he felt everything come all at once and suddenly there was only one. He believed it was meant to be. He lets Jongin have it, wanting to answer more direct because Jongin deserves it, and Sehun is so sure of himself the more he has Jongin listening to him, “But yes, I was okay before I contacted you. I think I could.”

Even in this darkness with nothing but the moon, he can see Jongin smile at him with a look that seems so astonished and… proud? He’s only seen this face when Sehun has achieved great things, like when they both graduated, to him getting his house key, or when he visit Jongin at the studio to share his new job opportunity.

Sehun gives in a little because he’s just too weak for Jongin, “You know, she was asleep the whole time so who knows.”

“Sehun.”

Jongin breathes out so gently that Sehun’s mind delusionally conjures up the idea that they’re having a moment.

“What?”

It feels like a moment with Sehun still feeling the way Jongin clings onto him.

“Nothing.”

And there’s that breathless little sound he releases again that makes Sehun’s heart beat uncontrollably. He lets his eyes closer, and the tighter his eyes shut and the closer his lashes meet his cheekbone, he lets himself believe his future with his best friend can be real. With Jongin, he’s powerless but feels like he’s above the moon.

Sehun will not be doing this alone. He is doing this with his best friend, with someone he loves more than just love itself. Sehun is raising a baby with someone he’s in love with.

 

Everything feels like a dream when he flutters his eyes open to see a baby girl right by his side. He pecks her forehead and when he is perched up on his elbows, does he realize that the other bedside is empty. His fingers graze the sheets and he’s aware of how cold they are. He gets up to look for any inkling of Jongin being around, but there is no sign anywhere in his room. Downstairs is empty as well when he gets there. Sighing, he trudges back up to the stairs and retrieves his walkie talkie.

When Sehun is preparing her next bottle, does he realize his decisions yesterday night were irrational. He didn’t do wrong, but that’s the thing, he didn’t really do anything. Now he considers the many ways he could of gone about this situation. For one, Solar was found on the solid, cold ground. He could of considered taking her to the hospital just to be certain she didn’t catch, or wouldn’t catch, any sickness. Then again, he isn’t her legal _anything_ , what would the doctors of said if he were to confess that she was crying on his doorstep? Maybe after all, he did make the right decisions then. Because last night all he needed was Jongin and everything seemed to be okay.

It’s only been a tiresome night but Sehun already feels his instincts kicking in. He goes upstairs to see his baby tossing and turning. Not a whine, yet, but he prevents that by carrying her and cooing, “Good morning, my baby.”

Sehun checks her diaper, and its empty, so he goes to his living room and lays her down. He wants to get something quick in his stomach while he feeds her too because he had been a bit hungry on and off through the night.

Sitting down, he has his phone in his hand and a granola bar in the other.

There are six texts. One from Jongin, which burns a tiny hole in his chest from the sudden absence. And five from Chanyeol, which kind of recovers that, but also makes him feel bad for forgetting all about him. He opens Chanyeol’s first.

_heyyy, dont mean to be so forward but…_

_did u get home safe? you said youd text but didnt._

_i wasnt about to message and be clingy already but i wanted to make sure._

_and fuck talk about clingy_

_i sent like a stream of texts. too soon?_

Chanyeol is so cute, Sehun thinks. Last night, he meant to text him as soon as he got in, but the little baby at the door step gave him a different priority.

_Thank you. Sorry about that. I slept right away._

He thinks he was too tense and vague, so he deletes the message and tries again.

_Good morning!! I did get home alright, thanks!! We’ll have to change our plans for this week to another day, though. Sorry._

The back of Sehun’s mind tells him what chanyeol said yesterday about thinking he’s getting stood up softly. Again, Sehun deletes his message and creates a new one.

Sehun doesn’t get the chance to type on his keyboard because a video chat notification is coming from Jongin. He contemplates on even answering, a little sensitive to how he woke up alone after a difficult night. Nonetheless, its Jongin, so he answers anyways.

“Hey!” Jongin cheers so happily, as if he didn’t just leave Sehun to tend to a child alone in the early morning. Sehun tries to tell himself that it is not Jongin’s fault or responsibility at all, but he still can’t help but feel betrayed that Jongin just left like that after such a conversation (a _moment_ Sehun will believe) last night.

No matter what, Sehun still manages a happy, “Hello!”

“So, I had an early morning class. Sorry for leaving you. You saw the message right?”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he responds, “Um, no.”

“Well, I said how after my class, we should go out to a nice lunch with Baby Solar. Then maybe figure out all the legal actions?”

“Oh, okay.” Sehun is much happier now, whole body feeling like fizzy soda. Odd comparison, he doesn’t even like soda. Solar won’t drink any soda until she gets into—

“I’ll be there in like twenty minutes!”

Sehun frowns dramatically. “Wait, what? That’s too soon. It’s not even lunch!”

“Brunch at ten. Makes sense. Get ready.”

After Jongin hangs up, does Sehun realize he is not ready. He didn’t think about Solar. He doesn’t have a stroller, let alone, doesn’t even have a carseat. Solar doesn’t even have proper clothing. He had expected to already seek a babysitter or have Jongin watch her as he would get little things out of the way. What he didn’t buy yesterday because nothing is open at twelve in the morning.

“Hi, baby.” Sehun says, more to himself than Solar. “I don’t really know what I’m doing but I’ll try my best.”

Solar just curls her fingers to her palm.

She is impressively obedient for a newborn. Sehun really can’t compare, but for now, she hasn’t whined since four when it appeared that her diaper was full.

As she lays on the couch with her eyes opening from time to time, Sehun admires her. She’s very beautiful though many people find baby features to be terrifying. She’s still the odd pink-ish but Sehun detects Asian roots on behalf of her monolids and a very distinct yellow shade on her shoulders. Her hair color or texture is not detectable, however. From what he can just see, he’s not entirely sure that she is Korean, but that wouldn’t matter. He’d accept her any how. He already accepts her and nothing would change.

Sehun looks away for a mere second and just gazes upon his home. Is this suitable to raise a child? He’s in love with this middle class suburban home, bright furniture and updated appliances in the cozy space. It’s small, sure, with only two bedrooms and one living room unlike Jongin’s home with almost three open spaces, but everything feels lived in. His home is designed the way he likes it so he has something to look forward to when he wakes up and goes to sleep. It feels like something to welcome him everytime he thinks about having to leave, then coming back home. He has Solar now.

Spotting his key rack, he decides crack two curiosities at once. He grabs his mailbox key and Solar so he can take a small stroll to get a feel for the weather.

Cradling her close to his chest, he makes sure to shield her from the brightest rays. There’s hihs answer. The weather is wonderful, so he thinks he can wear a button up and shorts on a nice day off. As for Solar, he really needs to hope that Jongin is okay staying with her for a bit.

There’s a large envelope he retrieves in his stack of mail that comes to his attention. There is no sender’s address which causes confusion to stir. He makes it quick to close his mail section and speed walk back home instead of basking in the morning sun as he had planned.

Solar begins making puckering sounds as he sits down with her in his lap. He shoves the other envelopes and grocery ads away, his focus being on this cedar brown envelope finished with a golden waxed seal. He picks on the melted wax and finds this thick paper that should be familiar to anybody.

Between his fingertips is a birth certificate.

All of the baby’s information is printed on the document, from birth time to gender, hair and eye color. What makes Sehun’s goosebumps awaken is his name on the certificate and his name only. Another cold chill runs down his spine to see that that her legal birth name is _Solar Oh_. He thinks he’s seeing something wrong, so he blinks multiple times, wondering if the sun distorted his vision temporarily. And there it is, Sehun Oh and Solar Oh and a blank where a birth mother’s name should be.

It’s her birth certificate.

He doesn’t fucking get it, he’s so fucking discombobulated. Half of his head is pounding with a terrible ache from of his confusion, the other half believes this to be magic. Sehun is terribly lost, but doesn’t find himself being as scared as he should be.

She’s really a gift, huh?

“This is fucking crazy!” Sehun shouts, nearly dropping his child. He adjusts himself and takes her from his lap to his chest and squeezes her as tight as it is safe to.

A knock interrupts his very short-lived moment with his daughter. As he gets the door with Solar, he questions what he did to deserve her. This whole thing is a great fortune, but also a personal test. She is nothing he would ever regret, but he wonders who gave him this challenge. A baby suddenly coming into Sehun’s life is definitely an obstacle, but he won’t see her as that. He seriously wonders how did this happen to him of all people, and how did a child come to his life of all things. He’s already grateful for her, he felt it from the start, but how and why Sehun Oh.

“Sehun, you’re not even ready. I said I’d be here soon!”

Jongin barges into his home, leaving the door open and somehow Sehun is still in struck to not really process closing the door.

“Hey? You good?” Jongin asks and Sehun just nods.

He doesn’t really know if he should tell him this. It would help though, becauses this way Jongin doesn’t really have to think too hard about all the legal things he was going on about last night and this morning.

Sehun waves him over to the table where her birth certificate lies.

“She’s… your actual daughter?” Jongin deadpans, seeming unconvinced.

_Hey, Sehun barely believes it himself._

“I don’t know! I guess!”

Jongin raises the certificate centimeters away from his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be petrified that her name is just magically on here? What if someone is spying on you?”

“This was established on her birthday. Two weeks old now at this point. I don’t think it’s someone handing me a baby and making sure I’m a legal guardian. I really believe she’s mine.”

Sehun’s expression softens, a bit embarrassed for believing such an impractical circumstance, but equally so in awe with it.

“There’s no birth mother, Sehun. You’re tell me something like this?”

Securing his arm even tighter around his baby, Sehun responds defensively, “Yes, I believe so! I think the stars and the moon just worked and gave me a sun.”

“Okay.”

Jongin leaves out the front door, leaving Sehun puzzled.

Sehun strides out in the direction of his stubborn friend. He’s always been way too sensible, always thinking of how proper things should be and expecting that things are done in the right ways of the book. Clearly, Sehun is not like that — he’s taking care of a baby that magically popped up on his doorstep with a strange birth certificate.

That is a difference they commonly have, typically resulting in them arguing often. Sehun enjoys filling up his schedule with things to do on end, whereas Jongin only does what he can expect from himself. Sehun likes trying new things, Jongin keeps to recipe books.

They hold their passions and responsibilities in opposite ways, Sehun is not surprised Jongin does not support him.

In this moment, Sehun is certain he’s losing his best friend. Since last night, he had been afraid Jongin would leave him for this particular thing. He figured the single way he’s loose him was by confessing his feelings, but now he’s in love with a baby he just met and… Jongin finally realizes that he can’t keep up with the reckless boy that is Oh Sehun.

Like a pathetic, lovesick protagonist of an angsty romance, Sehun stands on his porch, shoutting, “Where are you going? You can’t think I’m crazy! Jongin!”

Stepping towards his garage driveway, he sees Jongin leaning against his car with the back seat door open. He casts a smug expression on his face that Sehun just wants to slap — _maybe kiss_ — off him.

“What the fuck is that?” Sehun bawls, “Did you just buy a car seat?”

Beyond Jongin’s conscieded stance is an occupied backseat, a navy blue and yellow rear-facing car seat with jungle themed blankets and a grey jelly-like handle. There’s a tiger stuffed animal secured with the a chest seatbelt.

“Surprise.” Jongin says, pulling Sehun towards the car and unbluckling the plushie from the baby car seat. “Wanna put her in there?”

“Jongin,” Sehun whines, “Why?”

“Why what? You deserve it. You two need it. I thought I could get this off your hands at least. Consider it a gift.”

Sehun can’t refuse because Jongin is smiling so wide, he knows he did a good deed and the confidence and pride is radiating from his smile. He hums a genuine, “Thank you.”

Jongin has a hand on his waist as gestures for him to put Solar into the new car seat. He does it so hesitantly, never having done this before. He’s afraid he’ll hit her head on the handle or somehow give her a burn with the seatbelt. All fears are pushed aside when Jongin helps adjust the top piece and loosen the chest straps.

Sehun smiles contently to see Solar blowing a saliva bubble, cozily cozy in her new little carriage.

“It’s a _so-called_ convertible baby car seat. Iit can be changable with age, at least up to toddler time! What an investment, huh?” Jongin mentions, putting the blanket over her that he fetched from next to the car seat.

Sehun has no response, still so razzled by Jongin’s intentions of walking away. He really thought Jongin was gone for good.

Maybe he’s doubting him too much, maybe Jongin will soon come to love Solar as much as Sehun already does.

“I’ll go get dressed real quick then.” Sehun mumbles in return to eliminate the silence.

Jongin nods and rolls down the left window in the back along with the front seats.

Sehun blows a kiss to his baby through the glass that separates them before getting back into his home. In front of his wardrobe, he carelessly grabs a hoodie. He doesn’t do much to get ready since he’s got Jongin waiting for him, and because he feels his stomach begin to shake. With that, he’s reminded to grab some ice into a ziplock bag for Solar’s milk. _Isn’t it supposed to be warm?_

“Sorry! I wasn’t sure what to do with her drink.” Sehun mumbles when he gets in the car with a bottle of milk and a few diapers in his satchel.

“We’ll need something better.” Jongin says while backing out of the driveway.

Sehun’s heart— continually seized by Jongin whenever he mentions anything that involves him supporting Sehun. The we in his sentences assure Sehun that Jongin will be around for a long time. It makes him feel like he’s not all alone in this insane situation.

There’s already this parent aurora pulling in Sehun. He considers sitting in the back seat in case Solar begins to cry but he decides against it. It’s been ages since he and Jongin shared the same space of a car together.

 

If it were up to Sehun, he’d want soup, something that’ll make his stomach feel warm. Bubbly and comforting, the mood he feels when he takes a glance at his baby. If only his stomach can feel that way, but to Sehun and his tummy’s dismay, they pull into an old fashioned diner.

Sehun struggles to unfasten the seat belt and take the car seat out. There’s still so much he needs to learn and adjust to. He knows he’s no idiot, he just needs time. It’s a Saturday. One that’s most likely to be spent with Jongin entirely. Maybe they can obtain a bit more pro tips on obvious things like how to hold a baby car seat. He’s even mentally stressing out on how will it fit inside the booth.

Strangely Jongin shows zero signs of distraught when he’s leaning towards Sehun’s side and easily hauling out Solar’s car seat. When Sehun gives him wide eyes, he just mumbles, “I assembled it. No big deal tracing backwards.”

And not to think about this again but… Sehun oh-so badly needs his best friend in his life.

This hasn’t been a thing that Sehun considered within the short eleven hours having Solar, but now he’s thinking about the attention he receives.

As he and Jongin walk into the restaurant, requesting for a table for two, he can’t gauge the reactions amongst these strangers. Must people believe Sehun is a single father or brother? He’s with another man, are people speculating that, too? He doesn’t know why there’s sudden, uncanny attention on him. He knows when people glance at him out of kindness or admiration, it’s nothing like that right now. These eyes behold something neutral. As of now, he’s kind of blinded with confusion, unaware of what to think of people's expressions now that he walks with another man and a baby car seat.

“You’re worrying too much.” Jongin mentions, and just when Sehun wonders if he’s said something out loud, Jongin insists, “And no you didn’t say anything.”

“First the car seat, and now reading my mind. Are you the kind prince that has brought me my baby?” Sehun coos, wanting to brush away his slight discomfort.

Jongin pinches at his cheek before letting him slide Solar into the booth. That answers one of Sehun’s questions. Like puzzle pieces coming together to form one whole, magnificent picture, Sehun needs to take his time to get the best qualities as a father for Solar.

Solar begins to whine in the midst of Sehun looking for something to order. He sets down his menu and takes her out of the car seat, asking Jongin to just order something for him. He trusts Jongin’s judgement because he knows everything Sehun likes.

Meanwhile Jongin hums, Sehun sways her back and forth until she silences. It’s a bit embarrassing to have eyes glance at him with a whining baby in his arms. It’s definitely something he needs to get used to.

There’s multiple views to any situation, and the sweet side happens to come from their middle aged waitress. For the first time today, Sehun receives a warm smile and a vague, but wonderful comment on behalf of him being a father — you got her quiet, quite fast, that’s very good for you. So there are looks that don’t radiate negativity. Sehun wants to hope for more of that.

“Cute hoodie.” Jongin says suddenly.

Not really knowing anything special about it, Sehun response confusingly, “Thanks.”

“Where’d you get it?”

“I don’t know.” Sehun averts his eyes from Jongin and shrugs.

“Because it’s mine.”

Sehun reflexes are on overdrive. He hastily puts his hands on his chest, touching it as if he’s examining something foreign. With his eyes attempting to absorb the sight of the hoodie’s design and texture, he ends up getting a bit light headed from his nose hindering the sight. He lopsidedly smiles and says, “This thing? I didn’t know.”

“Camp when we were like seventeen,” Jongin mentions, “You were being stubborn after the lake. Said sunset swimming was too pretty to resist, then insisted that the fire was the natural way to go since we were camping after all.”

A flicker of miscellaneous memories flash through Sehun’s mind. He sees when he was his happiest, because he had the opportunity to spend even more time with his best friend, if even possible. They were already inseparable, but over the older teenage phases, they were almost forced together like clouds emerging at one. He felt himself falling more and more in love with Jongin.

“I miss when our family planned things together.” Sehun says, vastly reminiscing on a vivid image of Jongin jogging over to him with a towel and a green loose hoodie. He had put the towel around his neck and pulled him close. Sehun at the time had a wild imagination, and if he wanted to believe Jongin would do something as cheesy and romantic as to kiss him at that moment, then of course he thought about it.

Jongin clears his throat, pulling Sehun back to reality. He voices out, “Speaking of family… will you tell yours about this?”

It never crossed Sehun’s mind a single bit. He hadn’t considered on telling anybody about his baby discovery besides his best friend.

All morning so far, Jongin is doing too much to remind him of things that he doesn’t pay any mind to.

“Don’t know if she’d care to know.” Sehun responds truthfully, only a hint of bitterness.

Jongin gives him a stern look, and Sehun knows where he’s going but it doesn’t stop Jongin from pestering about it anyways.

“Sehun, I’m sure she does. You should tell her. She’s your mom.”

Because Jongin is Jongin, and Sehun is in love with him, he says, “Maybe I’ll give her a quick ring.”

“Good boy.” Jongin smirks and crosses his arms over his chest.

Sehun doesn’t make it vocal to Jongin, but still whispers under breath, “If only she would believe it.”

What occupies Sehun’s portion of the table is chicken soup with bits of carrot and broccoli. And Sehun fully admits, Jongin knows just about everything about him. He gets eggs and bacon that makes a warm smiley face, and that doesn’t surprise Sehun.

 

“So, your… date.” Jongin says in the car, on their way to a baby store (because Jongin absolutely needs to get a signature favorite hat for his niece).

It’s another thing that slipped his mind entirely. He fishes out his phone from his bag and reviews the texts, wondering how to tell him that he’s found a baby on his doorstep and thinks his agenda for the next eighteen months, and more, are occupied. His life is now given to his child and he doesn’t think there’s a single minute to spare for anybody other than his new daughter. He’s not sure how Chanyeol would take this. Knowing how slightly insecure of man Chanyeol really is now on behalf of yesterday, he’d think Sehun is making excuses to end things. Plus, Sehun isn’t sure he’d want to tell someone who’s practically a stranger — someone he just started dating — that he has a child. He isn’t sure what to do, but now everything is only him and his baby… though he really does want to see this Park Chanyeol more.

“I’m a little confused. That’s all. I called but you never got back to me.” Jongin pouts.

“It was a misunderstanding. He was really good.” Sehun mumbles, not really knowing how to address his date to his biggest crush that he’s oh-so terribly trying to move on with.

“What’s that even mean?” Jongin laughs a little hollow, Sehun can tell but can’t understand the extent of it.

Sehun simply shares, “One of my favorite dates I’ve been on.”

“Did you guys smooch?”

“Shut up, Jongin.”

Sehun genuinely laughs. He didn’t feel like his date yesterday needed to end up with a kiss. It was casual, there wasn’t an entire spark (yet, he hopes) but he had so much fun. He was so immediately comfortable and in a happy mood. And yet, he can’t really muster up his feelings about it too Jongin.

It’s a perfect silence for a bit, until Jongin gets that contemplative look, and Sehun knows they’re in a different atmosphere now.

“I think that you— never mind.”

“Yes?”

“It’s nothing.”

Sehun wonders how important it is, because Jongin only ever says that to manipulate Sehun into thinking he’s fine. He can distinctly remember all the times Jongin has told him something was nothing, but he could feel him hurt. Sehun used to think they shared the same heart of some kind because whenever Jongin’s eyes were hooded and his voice fragile, Sehun could feel his chest ache.

 

“I want to enjoy today with you as much as possible.” Jongin says quietly when they’re at his place with multiple bags of snacks, and of course, Solar’s new clothes and accessories.

Jongin had gone all out, insisting only the best for Solar. She has a whole spring and summer wardrobe — Sehun needing to stop him from looking at furry coats since it is long until she’ll be needing those. They have preordered a new edition baby crib, along with sheets that will complement her car seat. There’s even a whole plushie party because Jongin couldn’t resist to get only one even though Sehun claimed where he doesn’t know where to put them.

That leaves them to where they are now, at Jongin’s house because he wants to keep some of the stuffed animals at his.

Sehun pouts his lips, curious about Jongin’s thoughtful sweetness all day. He asks, “Are you going on a trip or something?”

“No.” Jongin says hushed.

“The baby is making me glow, you want to be around me more don’t you?”

Sehun cups Jongin’s cheeks before averting his attention to Solar, taking her out of her car set and rubbing at her back to sooth her little sweat outbreak. He would of impulsively kissed him otherwise.

Jongin breathes deep when he says, “Definitely.”

Sehun wishes that it were true in a deeper meaning. He knows Jongin is just his best friend, a supportive, helping hand type of best friend to someone with a newborn baby. That’s just him.

It’s who Jongin always has been. Since they were young, he had always been the right person to Sehun. Things came easier to Jongin in the past, making him the complete opposite as Sehun, but he gave Sehun things that Sehun could never imagine. He helped Sehun with any circumstance. If he didn’t know the answer or how to help, he always offered a shoulder and soft, lame jokes.

Thinking about his own opportunities make Sehun certain that he will give the best to Solar. She would not grow up with an unsupportive parent, nor will she have do decide between her own happiness or his. He’d do what he can to make them both happy and rationally help with her choices, hoping she’d choose the best. He wouldn’t even raise her to make such awful decisions that will put her in a railroad like he had to face.

Sehun holds a strong gaze, wondering if he can predict how she’ll be when she’s older. She’s so small, fragile as if Sehun were to hold her any tighter, she’d just… poof. And so beautiful like a rare gem or sunrays glistening on water. Sehun does not deserve someone as precious as her.

For a second Sehun’s baby wisdom flies to him in a beeline. He remembers that for his baby’s age, she is in need of proper breast milk from her mother’s body. Sehun does not know how to obtain that. The thought alone makes him even wonder if his child is real. Does this make her magical for not having a mother but being born? Everything that has happened is practically a fairytale already. Feeling stumped, Sehun decides to go with what he’s already been doing. He’s slightly terrified to raise her without the proper nutrients as guided during his baby learning but its all he knows of right now.

Nobody can give him the answers if he doesn’t have a true beginning. He needs to learn and adapt now. He desperately needs someone who will understand.

Sehun flutters his lashes repetitively, hoping to clear his vision from his tears. He feels a ginormous wave of heavy emotions because he finally registers everything that this baby comes with. This unknown, mysterious child is his responsibility, and she comes with everything and yet nothing to offer him.

“If you’re like, breaking down so much over her, maybe she’s —”

“No, Jongin.” Sehun says sternly. “It was only what, two times? I’ll be fine. It’s stressing, but worth it.”

Sehun isn’t looking at Jongin, but he can feel his pair of eyes burning through him. He knows Jongin is looking at him with pity and disbelief. He knows that his friend must find him so insane, but dedicated. Sehun is so in the middle with this, so he isn’t offended with what Jongin may feel towards his situation. He knows he’s helpless, yet wants this lifestyle. He knows he can do it, but doesn’t have resources to continue. Sehun knows.

“Maybe we can get you into counseling or like parenting classes.” Jongin suggests with a gentle shoulder squeeze.

“Don’t pregnant women only take those for yoga and breathing exercises for the pushin parts during their labor.” Sehun comments exasperatedly.

“Yes? No? But hey, I think you’ll learn a lot and be happy with other parents.”

Sehun grins, turning around to face a Jongin with concern all over his face. He says, “You’ll come with me then.”

“What? No, I have dance lessons to teach!”

“Yeah, and? You can unwind with some counter contrast lessons after!” Sehun takes Jongin’s arm and highfives their hands. “Thanks for the suggestion!”

Upon settling their discussion, Jongin tells him to sit his pretty butt down with Solar and he’ll fetch him anything he wants for the day.

Sehun manages to control his blush the entire time that Jongin sticks to his word. He plays Sehun’s favorite series, he prepares three large scoops of Sehun’s favorite ice cream on a waffle cone. He arranges Sehun’s bedroom furniture to create space for Solar’s future crib. He makes a whole day’s worth of formula milk. Together though, they learn how to change a dirty diaper safe and efficiently, and hand in hand wash Solar in the bathroom sink.

The night ends like the last, sharing a space together with Solar in between — only today is better because Jongin’s bed is much larger with more quality pillows. Sehun hopes to sleep so deeply that he can dream of routine being endless.

 

Sehun didn’t mean for Chanyeol to find him like this.

He’s at the front of his boss’ office wondering how to suggest a dire need of a daddy leave. He’s trudging in circles with dusty footsteps that make themselves obvious on the shiny concrete, anxiety so heavy that it can be sensed with his slouched shoulders and sweaty temples.

“Sehun!” A familiar voice shouts, one deep and unbelievably loud.

Pausing in his place and stuffing his phone into his pocket he sees Chanyeol as handsome as ever and greets, “Hey!”

Maybe it sounds fake but chanyeol doesn’t catch it. He’s concerned and Sehun wants to wipe that poor look off his face because he’s been so happy with a lovely smile those last two times he’s seen him.

“I’ve been worried. You never text. You don’t have read receipts. I don’t mean to be clingy seriously but…” Chanyeol trails off, making a fist and bringing it to his mouth like he’s suppressing to talk.

Sehun doesn’t know what to think. He’s flattered that all this time, Chanyeol has been fretting about him. But if Sehun is being frank, he hadn’t thought about Chanyeol the entire week since they had their date. He remembers the time he meant to respond before finding Solar’s birth certificate, and after shopping for Solar’s new little life.

Everything is about Solar now. He should just—

“I have a baby.”

Sehun clamps his mouth with two hands, not intending to share so blatantly.

Especially not to someone who he thinks he can like. Chanyeol is the somebody who managed to get his current crush to a minimum. And now Sehun thinks Chanyeol will run away in disgust and fear. And Sehun, Sehun will be stuck for life in love with Jongin or wondering what life could be with Chanyeol.

“O-oh.” Chanyeol says simply. Sehun closes his eyes, ready for rejection. But it doesn’t happen because he only feels arms snake around his waist and the scent of a strong aftershave. “What are you worried about?”

“You’re not mad?”

Chanyeol laughs softly and pulls away. “Mad? A baby is an uncontrollable gift. Well I mean, some people can control it. You know some women can get fertile with some foods? And of course it’s a map to work out. People do want babies, so it is quite controllable. A gift, you know! It’s—“

“Yes, Chanyeol. Stop.” Sehun smiles to himself. This is the Chanyeol that makes him happy. He says distracting things whether he means it or not, it helps to cure his stress and fear.

“Sorry. So, what’s up? Why are you… here? Looks like you’ve been at it for a while.” Chanyeol averts his eyes to the ground before looking up with a gentle eyes.

Sehun sighs, he already admitted what he thought would be a tremendous obstacle for his dating life (not that Solar would ever, ever be his second choice or a hindrance negatively). He decides to pour everything out to Chanyeol anyways because there’s some strange trust he has with him already.

“I need to go on a leave. It’s a legal thing fathers get for like four months I think? Probably depends… I don’t know how to tell this to my boss.”

“Oh, just do what you did. Just minutes ago!” Chanyeol announces with a clap.

Sehun rolls his eyes. “Please! That was so not how I wanted to tell you.”

A sincere look casts on Chanyeol’s face now. Something pure and innocent. It makes Sehun feel moved by it, in a way he doesn’t understand.

“So you planned on it?” Chanyeol says softly. “Telling me?”

“Yeah. I assumed our date went well. And we’re maybe on a dating label? I don’t know. I don’t usually claim to be dating someone until after four or five dates. But you… I wanna be dating you.” Sehun doesn’t know where his honesty and courage sprouted from but he likes it.

“Want to go on another one now? You can tell me about your baby that you somehow just had. Or else you’d already prepare the leave submission long ago.”

Sehun tenses, feeling utter turmoil — and yet the biggest measurement of relief — that Chanyeol somehow just picked up on that. How was Chanyeol capable of comprehending his timeline? Sehun wonders what part of this conversation made things so obvious, how did Chanyeol put things together and solve this so simply? _Easy, he’s made for me._

“I would say that if you don’t want to date me, stop making excuses. But I think I already had my second chance with you.” Chanyeol whispers with his arms crossing over his chest, “And I just know you aren’t lying. Please speak to me.”

“Roller skating date?”

Chanyeol smirks and makes their distance between them smaller. “Maybe next time. Or else we won’t get to talk because I’ll be busting out my cool moves to impress you.”

Sehun thinks he wouldn’t mind another next time.

They compromise with the coffee shop a block away though Sehun doesn’t order tea. He gets a pineapple-mango tea, something refreshing to sooth his nerves while Chanyeol orders cherry lemonade.

With fluffy pillows and rustic potted plants on the table, Sehun decides it’s the cutest corner and plants himself there while Chanyeol picks up their orders. As he’s walking to Sehun’s spot, Sehun laughs at how they’ve come to a coffee shop despite neither ordering coffee.

Sehun begins small talk, “Tell me how job hunting has been.”

“Oh, well I didn’t get any calls back. I’m completely useless. I’m just a dog walker. A doggy babysitter.”

Somehow that sprouts an idea in Sehun’s mind. “Maybe you can be my emergency call babysitter.”

“Never mention an emergency call again.” Chanyeol chuckles. “Besides, babies and dogs are the same when they deserve fully undivided attention but I can’t possibly dedicate my time and dedication to a baby yet. Not that I never want one! Like, I don’t know anything about them.”

Well there goes Sehun’s babysitter. He figures Chanyeol might be a great catch, after Jongin. It’s okay, he’s still got a couple months before deciding how his baby will live when he goes back to—

“Work! My work. Hey, maybe you can be my boss’ temporary assistant? He absolutely has the hugest soft spot for me and I bet if I convince him a bit, he might consider you.”

Chanyeol props him elbows on the table and leans forward. “If he’s such a softie for you, why can’t you just tell him about your child?”

Sehun frowns suddenly, confessing, “Because I’m afraid to disappoint him.”

“How so?”

“I just am.”

Sehun’s relationship with his boss is on a personal level to where he feels that his decisions do go noticed by his boss. It’s a different way than what he’d think Jongin perceives on his lifestyle. He has this urge to always do right whenever his boss checks in on him.

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol comments soothingly. He places his hand on Sehun’s when he says, “Tell me about your baby.”

Sehun’s heart flutters at that and he bites his lip before he can divulge. “Her name is Solar. Black hair and light brown eyes with the cutest cupid’s heart and arrow upper lip. She’s just about a three or four weeks old now. Speaking of, I was thinking about having a get together to celebrate that. Would you like to come? I can text you more details.”

“I’d love to.”

Sehun eventually learns that Chanyeol is a few years older than him and lives not too far away between Sehun’s workplace and Sehun’s home. He’s got three dogs of his own and a ferret for some unknown to the universe type of reason. He really is a dog walker so Sehun is majorly surprised that he’s never seen Chanyeol pass by in the neighborhood since he says that he’s always at the nearby pinecone themed park. He tells Sehun that he won’t be able to meet any time soon but they could call if dating if they wanted it to be. He deeply wishes to see Solar soon, but they both know that maybe it shouldn’t be the right time yet since none of Sehun’s other closer people have met her. Chanyeol kisses his cheek and it feels totally normal.

 

It takes two weeks for Sehun to commit to the right program since Jongin suggested. It had been a few days of chasmic scouting to find the proper classes he needed, and an an entire week to get the approval and join. Luck was on his end for this case because a new program was introducing itself for the early summer where they offered mental support (how to take breathers when it’s necessary and provide tips on a child’s timeline and when it’s right to consider things) and fun exercise and activities (games to connect you and your child’s relationship). It’s even for parents with infants to toddlers. Absolutely perfect for Sehun.

Today is he and Jongin’s first class, along with Solar. He didn’t want to choose a class that wouldn’t involve his daughter because he’s not quite sure he trusts anybody to watch her yet. So, this program is specifically hands on.

Jongin had been more booked for instructing his lessons more than usual because it's summer, children and young adults are participating since there’s no school in session. He was able to come to the first meeting but he’s unsure of the rest of his schedule. Because Sehun’s baby program is every other Tuesday and Wednesday, along with Jongin’s classes about four times a week, they’re sure he can keep on coming but Jongin can’t promise him anything.

“What you need to clear up your schedule for is my baby celebration. It’ll be on a Saturday. You’re helping me plan.” Sehun says, making eye contact with Jongin through the rear view mirror while he’s in the backseat.

“Oh, what’s so special about it?”

“Jongin!” Sehun slaps the back of Jongin’s head. “It’s my baby anniversary. One month with Solar!”

Jongin hums, “Ah, well that’s so cute, Sehun. Of course I’d be willing to help.”

Sehun caresses Jongin’s cheek before leaning back against his seat and admiring his baby.

It seems insane to think that he’s gone almost a month with his baby. He’s had only two or three helpless breakdowns but for the most part, all of the good has outweighed it all. He finds her absolutely stunning and the greatest gift of all time. He believes he is capable of raising her properly without any fuss. They’ll have the most closest, most beautiful relationship. He expects the ups and downs with her overtime but he’d never want to upset her for too long. He’d always try his best understand and forgive her. He thinks that he’ll give her the world, and in return she’ll do the same.

All that Sehun can’t give her is a mother. Since her, he considers dating a woman, but he’s somehow with Chanyeol now anyways. He doesn’t really know about them, but the last time they texted Chanyeol called him _baby_. Anyways, he wouldn’t be opposed to marrying a woman in the future because it’s a relationship filled with love and commitment. He wouldn’t mind who he settles with, as long as they’d love Solar with all their heart as much as Sehun does. Though he’s certain he would prefer a man. He wants the intimate and sexual parts of a relationship with a guy. He doesn’t know if he could entirely fulfill the wishes for a woman because they can’t do the same for him.

“You okay?” Jongin says suddenly, retrieving him from his mental strain.

Sehun sighs, not wanting to confess his sexuality turmoil. He responds, “I’m good.”

“Okay.”

“I’m afraid Solar will ask where she came from.” Sehun admits shamefully. Sure he tells Jongin everything — almost everything — but this is a personal thought he’s always kept to himself because he knows anything Jongin would respond with would not help him.

“You have a few years to figure things out.”

That doesn’t help.

Sehun is a figure of impulse and rash decisions. He comes up with solutions moments before the predicament can worsen. His mind doesn’t catch up with his actions and he’s a fool. But this is the one thing he wants answers to immediately.

 

It’s surprising, yet comforting, that there aren’t just male and female relationships. Meaning that he actually sees two lesbian couples and another gay one. Another. Not that he and Jongin are an actual heterosexual couple, but still, they came as two men with a baby so like… another.

“Hey, look.” Jongin nudges at him towards the couples. Sehun responds with a nod as if to let Jongin know it was on his mind already.

Sehun follows the few couples, heading towards the entrance where they line up for admission. He gets his name asked, along with Jongin’s and his baby. There’s brief questioning like why he’s decided to participate and how old is his baby, and how long have he and Jongin been exclusive. Sehun chokes in response to which Jongin rubs his back and comments something about highschool lovers.

“Why’d you say that?” Sehun sneers when they’re out of ear shot, fist hitting at Jongin’s chest.

Jongin shrugs. “She thought we were. Can’t disappoint her.”

Sehun doesn’t respond after that.

Shortly after a bigger crowd occupies the fold out seats, a different woman apart from the lady for attendance enters. She introduces herself with a spiritual name, insisting that in order to be in touch with themselves, they need their true identity to be released and not some birth name. When Sehun is mum during group introduction, Jongin tells them his name is Sun because he’s always there and the light of his life. It makes Sehun’s stomach tickle (even if the first part is not exactly logically true). Petal finds it absolutely adorable, so she asks that Sehun come up with a name for Jongin. All he mumbles out that Jongin’s a grizzly bear. Solar is still Solar, and Sehun is trying to hard to keep his big grin subtle.

Sehun finds himself slightly uncomfortable that only he and another pair has an infant. The other couples come with one year olds, well he’s not sure but they’re capable of walking and mumbling. His little Solar still keeps her eyes closed a lot and just barfs. He’s just wondering how will he fit in with this crowd if their children’s ages aren’t entirely the same.

When he gets the chance while parents are filling out a form, Sehun voices out his concerns. She tells him this is about relationship development amongst parent and child, which he did come here for. But when he asks about whether or not he will learn how to actually raise his child, he only gets answers regarding the future.

“I’m sorry but we don’t offer step by step guidelines. We only hope our lessons influence parents’ decisions when raising their children.” Petal says with a frown.

Sehun glances to where Jongin sits criss cross on the ground, rocking Solar’s car seat. He’s really not sure what to do. He responds, “I like it here, but I might need to apply elsewhere.”

“The local library near by has parenting books, if that’s your predicament.” She goes on to talk about some of her favorite books. The ones that offer things like a feeding timeline and determining when to change a baby’s diaper size.

Those are the things he had anticipated in this program. Then again, he figures he should of known that parents figure these things out or ask other parents or watch videos. Why would there be a program like this? They would of hosted this for people who are like six months pregnant. He finds himself not belonging here, though he thinks it could be valuable for when Solar is older. Contemplating deeply, he decides he’ll stay for the rest of today, then commit to a decision.

“Being two fathers is difficult, we hope this program provides you with as much possibilities as possible. You two will be wonderful to Solar.” Petal bows at him briefly before instructing that her class will officially begin shortly.

Sehun smiles too hard, too forced at her sincere words. He’s just a single father.

When Sehun saunters back to the two loves of his life, one of them already stares at him with curious eyes. As expected, Jongin mumbles gently, “You alright.”

Sehun plops himself right next to him, leaning his head into Jongin’s shoulder. His warmth warms his heart and his familiar scent is awfully comforting. Sehun just wants to get away from here and pull him to his bed and hold him closely until his bed absorbs everything Jongin Kim.

Jongin slides the car seat closer to Sehun, pulling down the visor. He curls his finger around Solar’s wrist and says in a high pitchy voice, “ _Feel better, daddy._ ”

Sehun face palms, hoping his scarlet face isn’t visible to Jongin. He groans into them, “Shut up, Jongin.”

“I’m mimicking Solar!”

“You be quiet.” Sehun repeats. He’s not embarrassed from kinky talk but it’s because Jongin tries hard to get even the tiniest smile from him. Sehun can’t help but become a beet with butterflies in his belly because any efforts that Jongin makes to shape his mood into something good.

“I always suspected you to be into that. I dunno why. You’d be the one to call someone that. Have you?” Jongin suddenly confesses, earning an ear pinch from Sehun.

Sehun admits all of this does make him feel better from his contemplations. Especially his daughter, he’s so happy to see her sleeping soundly with her (Sehun’s) favorite blanket.

“I want to take her to a photoshoot for her.”

Sehun smiles fondly, envisioning his home filled with wall frames and desk frames of his little girl. She’d have various wardrobes, fancy and frilly but also edgy and sharp. Though he loves playing beauty pageant mom with her everyday, he’s soon letting himself realize that he doesn’t necessarily need to keep her limited to such girly clothing. For the professional pictures, he’s thinking little cute things like a chick costume and a tutu and maybe a jersey with their last name Oh on it. Because he’s seen something online where bare babies are laid on their tummy with an apple as if they’re some thanksgiving main course, yeah, that’s a bit too complicated, and not Sehun’s humor.

He’s actually already planning a photobook album that’ll consist of her development every month. Obviously he does not have anything yet, but he’s thought about a cute bib for her to wear monthly with her according age.

There’s another project he has, a video on his phone with poor editing attempt with Solar’s first everything. On the second evening with Jongin over, moving Sehun’s bed to the corner of his room, Solar had sneezed and Sehun launched out of his fair share of support to capture a photo of her. It’s currently saved as _after_first_sneeze.jpeg_ on his external hard drive that he got just for her.

Sehun feels the weight of Jongin wrapping his arm over his shoulder before he says, “She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on, well after her father.”

“Jongin, stop.” Sehun whines, bearing his face into Jongin’s chest, feeling as if he curls himself any closer to him, he’d somehow suck himself into a tiny black hole and never escape it.

Jongin is silent and Sehun didn’t think he had the power to make Jongin listen, but then his chin is on Sehun’s head and he’s mumbling, “If I meant that, what would you do?” His voice is gentle, yet drips with solemn. Sehun can’t define this and it almost makes him tremble.

Avoiding the unknown, Sehun does what he does best whenever he’s nervous around Jongin. He creates his small distance, and knocks his hand on Jongin’s lap with a (fake) playful smile.

“I’d run away.”

Jongin laughs, but it feels effortless. “Noted.”

Right as Sehun is about to rekindle their warmth, Petal arrives with a woven cart of yoga mats. She instructs the parents to all gather around and collect one. The vague sound of whining children come into ear shot giving Sehun a temporarily thrill that his baby will be a year old and more capable of realizing that their parent will depart even if it’s for a second. Jongin is the one to grab their mats, and Sehun is so glad he’s decided to come today. It would still feel so uncomfortably odd to just have Solar unattended in a car seat on the ground, unlike the children who can sit on another parent’s lap. _Why am I here again?_

The class is just plain fucking strange and maybe Sehun should of known that when they had to find a spiritual name. There’s too much of getting in touch and too much touching. Their warm up is too intimate for a pair like Jongin and Sehun, because they’re best friends and one side of love will never be returned. He tries his hardest to not let his fret show to Jongin when they’re doing things like stretches that make him wonder why children are even involved. Apparently their day one is just building up the intimacy and feeling okay that they can still show that with their child around. It’s total bullshit to Sehun.

As soon as that long, long hour is over, Sehun is sweating as if he just came out of a waterpark and his arms are numb that he can barely hold Solar’s car seat from the handle. Their drive home is dull and quiet. Sehun is too embarrassed to speak because maybe he almost popped one while the two of them had to play an activity with a ball starting between them at their belly buttons and the objective being the ball between their lips.

Solar maintained patience and silence the entire class, but just as they arrive to Sehun’s, does she begin to cry. He does his instinctive duties. Checking her diaper, then placing a kiss on her forehead and retrieving her milk. He lays on the couch with her body on his chest as he caresses her back to ease.

Jongin follows shortly, taking Sehun’s head into his lap.

“Tired?”

Sehun responds, “A bit.”

“Take a rest.”

“That was fun.”

Sehun shrugs, not sure if he believes his own comment. He feels as if time was used valuably (on his end he got the opportunity to run his hands all over Jongin for a short moment with reason), but not wisely. He would rather sit around in his comfortable living room, jotting down notes on a baby’s timeline and tips that mothers give when they notice a quirk in their baby’s behavior. It doesn’t feel necessary to do stretches with other couples and share how they involve their child into it. That’s the biggest hiccup most of all, he doesn’t like being single in a room full of lovers. He’s a single father with his best friend for support. It’s something but frankly, as much as it would be terrible to admit, it’s not enough.

“Good. So you’ll go again?” Jongin asks running his hands through his hair and the angle at this point is unfair.

“I don’t know though.” Sehun breathes out. He doesn’t want to talk about how he felt today at all. He rather focus his energy on a better, earnest question, “Do you think it’s time I tell my family?”

Jongin’s lips part and his eyebrows knot. “Sehun, you haven’t yet?”

“No.” Sehun mumbles. _This Jongin is scary._

“And why now? It’s almost been a month.”

“She needs more than just me. Needs more than me and my best friend. Don’t you think? I don’t know what I’m doing. That program isn’t for me!”

Sehun nearly shoots up until it dawns on him that he captures his baby in his embrace. Jongin presses him down anyways before he could even attempt to get up more gently. He soothes Sehun down by patting at his shoulder, a thumb caressing at Sehun’s cheekbone

“I want you to remember something.” Jongin mentions softly, his fingers really losing themselves in Sehun’s hair. “Everyone learns and adapts differently. Most importantly, most parents have nine months to figure some things out. You weren’t given any. It’s okay to feel behind or feel like you’re barely doing anything right.”

Sehun nods, drawing into Jongin’s touch. He has a lack of words for response but he and Jongin know each other. Sehun chasing for contact says enough for the both of them. He feels more than just Jongin’s hand in his hair and on his neck, too. He finds comfort in Jongin’s gentle, wise words. He thinks this could be his favorite mantra that’ll stain his mind forever. He always remembers anything sincere Jongin tells him.

“You’re already better than your parents. Then again, you turned out perfectly fine. No matter what, Solar loves you. Believe that. And, I love you.”

It takes so much for Sehun to not pull Jongin down and let their lips meet for the first time ever. He balls his fists before releasing them and cupping his baby’s head. He closes his eyes because he’s not sure how longer but he can still feel Jongin’s eyes on him.

 

At night when Solar is tucked securely in her crib and Jongin’s shoes no longer place themselves at the corner behind his front door, Sehun cuddles into his blankets and calls Chanyeol for the first time. Maybe he’s feeling lonely, maybe he envies the couples from this morning. Right now, he wants a little of something.

“Hello.” Sehun says soft and casual.

“Hi, what’s up?” Chanyeol’s voice is just as similar.

Sehun parts his lips then closes it, wondering how to lead this conversation. Then he thinks, “You’ll come next week still, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Chanyeol says then begins emitting weird sounds. Before Sehun is about to question him with concern, Chanyeol asks, “This means I’m meeting people close to you?”

Sehun hums. “I hope my parents will be there. But aside from them you’d meet some very nice friends of mine. And a best friend, who can sort of beat you up if you make a bad impression.”

“Got it.” Chanyeol laughs.

“Yup.”

There’s a quiet pause so Sehun takes the chance to adjust his blankets over his head. Though it’s warm, he still likes the comfort of embrace. He would still be having Solar lie next to him if it were up to him but because Sehun is so obsessed with what he reads online (still up until now) he figures its best she doesn’t get entirely attached to his warmth. She might end up just like him.

“I’ll meet your daughter.” He says in this incredulously, a chuckle following shortly.

It makes Sehun shiver with realization.

Someone he’s dating will meet the most important thing in his life. He wonders if he’ll fall in love with Chanyeol. But still, he needs to fall out of it with Jongin.

 

Over the course of Sehun being a father, he develops a routine.

Dinners are no longer consist of white noise and only the sound of vegetables on a cutting board echoing. Faint noise of nursery music constantly plays and when he turns his kitchen corner, his baby is always there playing with vibrant toys attached to her rocker. He sees Jongin even more frequent now, his hours spent here more than his own home or studio. He says he visits for Solar, and Sehun tries not to be jealous at that.

He knows all it takes to raise his baby and what factors contribute to lessening her cries. Lots of times she’s such an eater. She eats too much then baby spits it all up. He knows it’s a common predicament, for babies to barf but he still feels a bit sick at it sometimes. He continues to over feed because it’s what keeps her quiet mostly of all even if it results in bubbly white on his chest.

Today he finally finds the confidence to bathe her properly. He had been cautious, keeping her in his palm for a good minute and rinsing her down. At this point, he finds the use in a towel being the general foundation to lay into the sink as she bathes above it with lukewarm water. He finds out entirely that she’s got a mark on her lower elbow that he hadn’t noticed before. It’s an odd shape that resembles a big glob but if he squints tight, he thinks it looks like a heart.

Sehun faintly hear the slam of the front door which shakes his bathroom since it’s directly atop of it. He rolls his eyes at the thought of Jongin shoving his door closed with a kick like he usually does. He’ll remind him to be more gentler because for all he knows, Solar could be asleep. Though, Jongin too, has Solar’s nap schedule embedded in his head. He wouldn’t invade like that if he knew Solar was asleep.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday! Happy birthday, Solar!” The screams simultaneously echo along with heavy, fast-paced stomps up the stairs.

Turning around with a hand on his baby’s stomach he glares at Jongin. He pouts, “It’s not a one month birthday celebration! It’s one month with me.”

“Oh, in that case, happy one month in our presence, Solar.”

A bounce house happens in Sehun’s everywhere region. He could spare open arms for Jongin but he decides to take Solar out first. He’s stopped by Jongin who inches for the towel, removing Solar out of the sink and onto Sehun’s bed. There’s her today outfit set at the edge that jongin reaches for.

“Can I do the honors?” He says with this little sparkle in his eye and an eager pinch to his tone.

Sehun smiles at him fondly. “I don’t see why not.”

It feels so domestic. This feels like the life he’s waiting for. He admires Jongin from his distance, drying her off with light, gentle pats. He puts on her onesie with the sparkles on its chests, and slips on the yellow tutu expertly. Though Solar doesn’t have much hair yet, she surprising has enough for Jongin to get one pony tail right at the top of her head like a sprout.

Sehun inches towards them and sits on his automan that creates as a makeshift storage lot for some of the things he and Jongin have gotten for her that she can’t use yet, mostly teething toys and hair bows and cute slippers.

“There.” Jongin says cheerily. He turns to Sehun with the baby in his arms and Sehun’s about to melt into a puddle of his own infatuation. “Baby bottle?”

It takes Sehun a whole few seconds to reciprocate Jongin’s request. It’s wonderful he made this before the mini bath, so he retrieves it from his nightstand and hands it over, cringing when he notices his arm shaking a bit.

When Jongin promised that Sehun wouldn’t have to do much today, he really insists on keeping those words because he’s already got her dressed, and he’s handling her into the crib. It’s only been ten minutes since his arrival at Sehun’s.

Sehun is lost for words, entirely breathless. He just stands, feeling clueless. He wishes this type of help will carry on with him for the next eighteen years and so on, in the way he wishes it really could.

Jongin situates himself on the bed, criss-crossing his legs and folding his hands in his lap. He’s blowing air out of his pursed lips, making a silly sound. He averts his eyes from the mattress to Sehun and asks, “Have you ever given her belly a raspberry?”

Sehun swats his chest before sneering, “Jongin, she’s less than two months old.”

Jongin shakes his head with a laugh and responds, “It’s a playful thing. I’m not talking about the fruit.”

“What?”

“Don’t ask why I know it. Can I show you?”

“Yeah, go.”

Sehun doesn’t expect Jongin’s hands on his hips, pulling him onto the bed and steadying him firm in place. He raises Sehun’s shirt over his chest and before he could oppose, Jongin’s lips are pressing above his belly button causing Sehun’s breath to hitch. Sehun’s stomach is rumbling with bubbles inside and out, squelching noises emitting.

“Stop this is so weird!”

Sehun stifles his laugh and yanks at Jongin’s hair to raise him up. If they were together in another world, he’d bring him up to his lips and plant a kiss on those plump lips, then maybe shove his head back down to place but even lower.

“You said I could show you!” Jongin retorts and fixes his hair before curling up to Sehun’s side.

“I thought you were going to pull out your phone.”

Jongin hoists himself on his elbows, dropping his chin onto his palms. “Babies love that shit. You should do it to her when he’s like a year old.”

“And how would you know?”

“I said not to ask.”

Sehun does that sultry pout he knows Jongin can’t ever resist.

“Saw it in a movie.” Jongin shrugs and gets up, preparing to leave the room. “Get ready.”

If he were to stay, Sehun would of rolled on top of him and kissed him. He knows, he desperately knows that he needs to get over his feelings for Jongin. Though it’s a difficult procedure considering he’s been in love his whole life. At least now, he’s less mopey, less longing. He’s got his baby and Chanyeol.

Sehun peeks to Solar to see that she’s done with her bottle. He fits himself into something semi formal — the tightest pants he owns and a yellow button up to match today’s theme — and heads out with his baby in his arms.

Downstairs he sees Jongin sitting dumbly attractively with his knees at a distance and his elbows pressing against the arms of the chair. Sehun finds such sex appeal in the simplest things Jongin does and he just excuses himself to think that it’s been awhile since he’s has done anything for himself.

Jongin takes Solar from his arms and places her in the baby rocker and pokes her pacifier to her mouth. He sighs contently and turns to Sehun with his arms crossed and an annoying, confident grin.

“Okay.” Sehun mumbles, expecting Jongin to get on with the plans.

Jongin presses his hands onto Sehun’s back, guiding him towards the front door. He reaches for a thin cardigan hanging on the coat rack and places it onto Sehun’s shoulders.

“Jun and I have everything under control!”

Sehun smiles lopsidedly. “Yeah, but don’t work too hard.”

Jongin ignores him with pouty lips. “I’ll call you when everything is ready.”

Ensuing Sehun’s celebration announcement, Jongin had dyingly insisted that he hosted everything. He assured that he would take charge of catering and decorations. All Sehun had to do was invite who he wanted and give a list of all that he expected Jongin to so.

Apparently he and Junmyeon have an abundance yellow decorations for his living room. And their other friends Kyungsoo and Minseok got in contact with calling in for food orders and making their own main dishes. Their personal music system is Jongin himself who claims to use the flimsy aux and connect it to his stereo from the dance studio.

“Just two more things.” Sehun says, raising his finger up. “No curse music and I hope Soo and Jun are making a dessert table.”

“Way ahead of you, dear.” Jongin pecks his forehead before shooting him out of the front door.

Sehun stands too long on the doorstep pressing his fingers against the trace of Jongin’s lips.

The door suddenly swings open, causing Sehun to flinch and retract his hand away from his face.

“Yes?” Sehun says nervously.

“Oh, I forgot your baby.”

”I— me. Yeah, same.” Sehun admits, unappreciating himself for being so distracted by his… he doesn’t know what Jongin is to him anymore.

 

“Baby, I don’t know where to go.” Sehun admits, mindlessly signaling for a right turn.

It’s not often that he takes the opportunity to get along anywhere with Solar. The last time he did so was because he urgently needed to buy a nose cleaner of some sort because he hadn’t wanted to use his hands nor a cotton swab. Aside from that horrendous errand, he’s never recreationally taken Solar anywhere.

It’s always been with _Jongin, Jongin, Jongin._

There had been a time when he was on his way to his boss’ office to address his short leave and referring Chanyeol’s presence to replace his temporarily. He hadn’t really gone out with her because Baekhyun caught him rolling in the lot, nodding and not saying anything the moment his eyes landed on a car seat. Sehun gasped out rapidly that he’s sorry for the late notice but he does have a replacement if baekhyun doesn’t want to find another associate to get him a new one. It was simple and done with by Baekhyun asking for contact information and if there’s another chance for him to properly meet the child.

“It’s too bad we never thought of a stroller.” Sehun pouts, wondering why they hadn’t bought a stroller yet.

It’s funny when he thinks they, he instantly thinks of he, Solar, and Jongin. He needs to get better adapting to the idea of he and Solar, or even he, Solar, and Chanyeol.

For a second, Sehun considers going to the zoo but he isn’t sure he wants to expose his baby to the scent of manure and overbearing sounds at once, that being children outbursts and birds’ chirps and lions’ roars. He settles with something more artificial like going to the pet store because he strangely thinks about Chanyeol while thinking of zoos.

At the nearest pet shop, there’s an array of fish tanks. It’s an impulsive buy, but Sehun gets himself a goldfish. There’s slithering snakes and scaly lizards. He hoped to see cats and dogs here but sadly to his dismay, they do not provide shelter for them. He thinks he can see a future with Solar and a huge dog. One that, when she’s probably four years old, she’s cuddle with. But for now, his goldfish Bubbles will do.

“Baby, I hope Jongin is doing okay.” Sehun says with Solar in his arms and his fish in the other.

After placing her in her car seat, he sits for a moment contemplating whether he should call Jongin or not. He doesn’t want to interrupt any planning but he seriously has nowhere to go at this point. He’s not sure how longer he could wait either because all this anticipation is boiling up inside of him. He’s not asking for too much, but being granted it, he expects a whole lot. He figures to call his mother, to see if she’d really come. He doesn’t even know if she got his message because she’s never messaged back. Frankly, he’s not worried about it at all. He just hopes Jongin and their friends aren’t burning his home down.

A brief moment goes by then Sehun backs out of the parking lot. At the stoplight he texts Jongin that he’s going back home as Solar begins to cry.

 

Sehun would do absolutely anything for Jongin. He’d race to the ends of the Earth to obtain Jongin’s desires if it meant to have Jongin’s happiness fulfilled. Would he do as the same for Sehun? Sehun believes so.

This party is already boisterous with his helper friends welcoming him so happily. The walls have green glittery streamers, really portraying the whole jungle theme that he and Jongin have been raising Solar with. There’s trays of various dishes from vibrant vegetable and chicken stir fries to appetizing finger foods and the classic Chinese food. Sehun gets his dessert table he wishes for that have cupcakes with green frosting, brownies and cookies attempted to be shaped into animals (Sehun bets its Junmyeon’s creations. His favorite has got to be the cake pops that are lion themed and how Solar’s yellow blanket makes as a backdrop behind helium filled balloons that say h _appy one month s oh’s_!

Sehun strides over to Jongin, practically pouncing on him. His arms would probably choke Jongin if he held on any tighter. He’s bouncing them in their place as he cops, “Jongin, I love you! You did so good!”

Jongin doesn’t try to shrug him off, so his voice is a little labored when he’s saying, “Love you too. And ah it’s, no problem.”

“You’re the best.” Sehun pulls away and boops his nose. “I’m going to give a tour to Solar then give Jun a piece of my mind.”

“What did he do this time?”

Sehun’s lips part in an amused smile. “I know he made those animals. Didn’t he? He tried at least. The money brownie shapes?”

Jongin sighs. “Yea, he most certainly did. Look, I told him not to even try. That they look like pieces of sh—“

Sehun clamps Jongin’s mouth shut with his hand. “Hush. They’re beautiful!”

“If I would of known you’d appreciate them so much, I would of tried!” Jongin teases. Sehun will take it for flirting because he’s in such an exuberant mood.

Sehun skips with Solar in his arms. He makes a beeline towards the corner of his house where he sees some type of makeshift photo booth. There’s a frame without glass and other props on a stool in front of gold curtains. Secluding himself into that space, he sees a screen staring directly at him — well, more like himself looking at he and Solar.

“Aw baby, he did do so good. What did I do to deserve him?” Sehun coos in Solar’s ear.

Sehun reaches for the sunglasses and placed them onto Solar, her thumb rubbing at the lender. He sets himself up with the infamous fuzzy pink boa. Fiddling with the settings, he goes for four frames on a strip and opts with this Solar and Sehun graphic designs with monkeys and hippos and tigers swinging on the letters is their names.

“Jongin!”

“Oh, so you found this.” He says with what seems like a shy smile.

Sehun hands him a tan hat with a rainbow fan on top of it. He squeezes himself tightly against Jongin, grabbing his arms so he can tuck himself closely next to him. Jongin places a hand on Sehun’s where it rests comfortably on Solar’s stomach. Their cheeks press when the timer goes off, both of them cheering Solar when the flash strikes them. Jongin raises the frame prop for their second image and Sehun raises Solar in the air like the signature Lion King pose. What he doesn’t expect is for Jongin to reel Sehun in even closer with the feathery boa around both their necks in the third photo. He’s even more _holy fuck I’m about to pass out because you’re so fucking cute I love you_ when Jongin kisses Solar’s cheek, palming at Sehun’s to do the same.

The photo comes out shortly after and Jongin says he wants to save it. Sehun slaps him on the chest and says he’ll take it because it’s his house and Jongin got this booth just for him.

Jongin sighs in defeat and Sehun thinks he’s finally won. He rubs Sehun’s back while saying, “I know you want a cute photo of me. It’s cool. Keep it.”

Sehun didn’t really win after all. But he does get to keep the photo.

And so much more memories because Minseok has a stunning camera and he’s capturing every single thing there is to look at from any angle. These memories, he’ll cherish them for a lifetime and more.

 

It’s no baby shower or over-exuberant first birthday, so perhaps that is why Sehun has zero signs of stress (plus he didn’t even lift a finger). A happy one month with Sehun party, is more like it. Sehun is extremely happy to be hosting a party on behalf of Solar being in his life for a month. He had considered celebrating her full one month of birth but because he didn’t get to see her as an entire infant, he believes this is more grand for him and her. At least, down the line with his memory book and stories, he can tell her about his one month together party he threw for them.

 _Down the line_ … yeah, he hasn’t thought about what he’d tell her in the future about where she came from, but he hopes to find the answers by the time she goes to middle school. He thinks that’s when she’ll get curious. She hopes it’s not during Mother’s Day week in kindergarten because that’s terribly too soon.

One of today’s big factors, along with the large cake, is that Jongin and Chanyeol will be meeting each other. Sehun has never shown a photo of his dreamy man to his best friend. He’s never told Chanyeol that he has an other half for life either. He thinks a party with his favorite people will be a splendid event, hopefully not spiraling towards a pit of awkwardness.

It also means Chanyeol will be meeting Solar, which makes his heart shake terrifyingly, but besides that he thinks Chanyeol will take things okay. He’s a large goof who loves to radiate happiness, he’d probably just want to make her laugh the entire time. He wouldn’t be afraid or mean to his baby, he’s sure. Most importantly, Sehun doesn’t think he’d look at Sehun any different.

The doorbell rings, and who he doesn’t expect to be his first official guest is his boss.

“Hi, Baekhyun, sir.” Sehun nods and welcomes his boss into his home. It isn’t his first time here, but the first time he’s seen him in about a month so he’s feeling perturb.

Baekhyun leans in for a one sided hug and raises a gift bag with the other hand. “Where is she?!”

Sehun retrieves the frilly pink polkadot bag and guides Baekhyun towards the rocker at the corner of the room, also near the table of catered food to which he offers Baekhyun to grab a plate.

“Oh please, I wanna see the cute young thing first!” Baekhyun comments with grabby hands once he sees Solar. “She’s beautiful!”

Baekhyun is strangely like an indirect boyfriend, the best one he’s never had. Baekhyun is someone who gives him the right resources in order to keep going in life, mostly advice and moral support. He feels like more than a boss, more than just a friend. He’s more than anything else. But he’s never felt anything to develop something with him. He wouldn’t want that anyways. He’s just happy to know Baekhyun cares. How he shows his affection towards Solar makes him feel very valued. He feels like there’s somebody out there proud of him and this decision to raise another life.

Maybe Baekhyun is like fairy godmother or something because maybe calling him a boyfriend is kinda weird, but he’s not like a dad either. It’s a strange situation but Baekhyun just does so much for him since he offered the job over a pathetic situation of Sehun weeping after being kicked out of his home when he confessed an extensive degree was something he no longer felt worth working for.

“Thank you for coming.” Sehun says honestly. “It means a lot.”

“When you told me, I had my temp assistant clear out my schedule. Anything for you, Sehunnie.”

Sehun’s eyebrows raise at that. “Anything?”

“What is it?” Baekhyun says hesitantly.

“I wanted to know after... my leave is done, could I maybe work from home? You know, take care of my baby and not miss any highlights. There are things I can manage here. And if you need physical errands, I would like to do that with my baby if that’s okay.” Sehun takes a deep breath. “Living without a salary will be tough now that I care for two. I would love to work with you, but my baby needs me. Please consider on giving me this, or else I’ll be—“

“Sehun, woah. Calm down, mister!” Baekhyun coos loudly, dramatically. His fingers skim over Solar’s hand when he adds, “I approve of that.”

“Really?” Sehun covers his face, maybe he just might cry.

Baekhyun gets up from his kneeling position and places a hand on Sehun’s shoulder when he comments, “Working for me is easy. You know that. I don’t see downsides of you not being at the office. Though I may suggest your presence might be critical on lot at least a couple times a month, if that’s not a problem.”

Sehun salutes, following up with a cringe. He shakes it off and responds, “No, sir. Not a problem. It’s not big of you to ask at all. It’s actually perfect.”

“Good. I might miss my favorite associate too much.” Baekhyun squeezes his shoulder before bringing his attention back to Solar.

Sehun tries not to blush at that. He doesn’t admit it, but he loves attention from anyone he can get it from. He loves praise and acceptance and he knows it’s because he never grew up with any that.

“Tell me the story.” Baekhyun whispers.

Curiously, Sehun questions, “What story?”

“I never knew you had a love life to create this beauty.”

Sehun scoffs, “If it was a love story, don’t you think the mother would be here?”

“Tell me what happened, exactly.”

“I found her on my doorstep. She... I took her in and the following day I had her birth certificate with my name on it.” Sehun notices the stoic expression on Baekhyun’s face. “Please, don’t tell anyone.”

“Before she gets into kinder, before she’s five. Come to me. I’ll tell you something valuable. You have to remember this, Sehun.”

Baekhyun holds his pinky out. Sehun doesn’t understand his intentions but with him prodding his finger closer to Sehun’s, he can’t help but lock his own pinky with Baekhyun’s pinky.

“I’ll remember.”

 

By afternoon, Sehun sees his other long term friends. Those that he keeps updated with enough to tell them he has a child, but they aren’t as close to him as Jongin. He has Jongin’s family who attends, fighting over who gets to hold her first. He isn’t surprised that his mother didn’t come, nobody from his family at all since he’s a single child and his father left the picture. So, he didn’t expect for his only family to arrive.

It aches his heart when Jongin’s parents promise to be Solar’s closest thing to grandparents. Sehun did grow up with them anyways on behalf of him always visiting Jongin’s house and having dinners with them. He senses he and Solar’s relationship with Jongin’s parents will only become stronger.

When he’s wiping Jongin’s face full of sweat — he had tried to do a dance battle with Junmyeon in order to see who had to privilege in cutting Sehun’s cake — does the doorbell ring. His mind settles to the one person left that he had been waiting for all day, and no it’s not his mother.

“Hi, I’m Chanyeol!”

Sehun turns around, spotting his large, foolish boy greeting himself to the family members taking up the seats in the corner of the house. He’s so big when he bows, being their size when he’s bent. He walks with careful steps and a wrapped box between his arm and torso. He spots Sehun and his eyes brighten and his smile becomes massively larger than it was seconds ago.

“Thanks for coming.” Sehun leans forward and kisses his cheek.

Chanyeol holds him in his place and whispers, “I’m so fucking nervous.”

“Of what?” Sehun laughs.

Sehun retracts himself. He gets a full glimpse of him. How didn’t he notice this from the moment he turned around? He’s nearly ready to choke on a chortle, or maybe even pull him upstairs and do vulgar things. Chanyeol, Chanyeol Park, his unpredictable date who laughs too much and has quirky ears, is wearing a suit. A full on button and tie attire with straight fitted slacks and polished shoes. He stifles his laugh and gives him another one over with a smirk.

“What’s this look?”

“I want to make a good impression on her.”

“You know she’s just like six weeks old right?”

Chanyeol laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah. I do. But, you know.”

“No, I don’t know. You’re so cute though.”

There’s a cough in the background, making Sehun follow its origin. He sees Jongin standing stiff and in no manner that is the usual Jongin Kim attitude. Sehun thinks that dance battle really must of worn him out.

Sehun takes Chanyeol’s hand in his and walks towards Jongin, also tugging at his arm until they’re outside in the backyard. He’s unsure why he wants them to meet priestly, away from his other guests, but he does. It feels more small and intimate of some sort. Them two can really absorb each other’s presence that way.

“So, Chanyeol this is my backbone. He’s everything to me. My best friend, Jongin.” Sehun manually puts their hands together to shake. “Jongin, this is someone I’m really enjoying in my life right now, Chanyeol.”

“You guys aren’t boyfriends then?”

“Jongin.” Sehun sneers under breath.

Chanyeol wraps an arm around Sehun’s waist and says nonchalantly, “With Solar and all, I hadn’t wanted to overwhelm him. We can take it as slow as he likes.”

“You’re so cute and thoughtful.” Sehun pinches his cheeks.

Jongin casts somewhat a sulking look on his face. Eyebrows knit, eyes distant, lips pouty. It must of been the cheek thing since he only ever enjoys getting his hands all over Jongin’s face. He admits that it felt weird to have Chanyeol’s cheek between his thumb and forefinger.

“I’m going to head in now. See if Suho wants to cut the cake since your last guest is here.”

Sehun gives him a smile before directing it towards Chanyeol. He makes grabby hands at Solar then immediately drops his arms to his side, but suddenly brings them back up. Sehun thinks so fondly of Chanyeol because he’s not embarrassed to be embarrassed. He’s not quite sure what that means himself but if he were in solars live down the line, he’s definitely raise her to be open and live as she likes — the way Sehun wants her to.

The evening is tense when both Jongin and Chanyeol want to hold Solar with Sehun. He lets Baekhyun hold her while Sehun pretends to blow out the cake for her. He’s not really sure why they’re blowing out a cake, but they singing the congratulations song right before it.

 

Chanyeol and Sehun meet practically every moment their schedules are clear. Well that is, Chanyeol stops by whenever Baekhyun isn’t pestering him about the errands to run. Sehun is a stay at home parent raising his child for all he knows as of now, meanwhile Baekhyun hasn’t been so easy going with Chanyeol and the tasks at hand.

Whenever Chanyeol visits, usually during his lunch, he rants about the loony requests Baekhyun orders. He thinks he does it just inspite to irritate him. Chanyeol says he has no clue why their boss is so persistent and mean. He tells Sehun he prefers to be a dog walker, and a dog walker only. Sehun pulls him close and presses a kiss on his temple.

“I’ll talk to him. We’re like friends. He’ll tell me why he's being that way.”

Sehun explains the many things that he had to do for Baekhyun but none being so peculiar while getting a good whiff of Chanyeol’s hair that smells pleasantly like apples. He indulges a bit more until Chanyeol asks what he’s doing. At that Sehun loads a question upon another question, “What shampoo do you use?”

“Some kid’s soap because it’s affordable.”

“Hm, I wanna use it for Solar when she can tolerate it. Show me next time.”

Something between them is too comfortable. He loves their energy so much. It’s like he can lay on top of Chanyeol with his face in his crotch and not have the urge to want to suck his dick. He can have Chanyeol breath in his ear and it doesn’t make his spine tingle. He’s unsure whether this is a good or bad sign. He just loves how safe things are with him.

Sehun is just about to maybe try to kiss him for the first time — to see if this really will sway him in a more intimate feeling — until there’s a knock at his door. Then his window, and right back to his door again.

Giving Chanyeol a disappointed smile, he excuses himself to welcome whoever may be on the other side because he's not expecting anybody. Seeing Jongin when he swings the door partially open makes his heart stir weakly in curiosity and excitement.

“Hey, why are you never dressed when I’m ready to pick you up.” Jongin scolds playfully, thumb over his shoulder pointing at his car.

Sehun pouts in confusion. “I should be? I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Sehun.” Jongin looks exhausted with him and it stings the core of his chest somehow.

“Yeah?”

“You’ve forgotten.”

Sehun frowns, not liking the snappiness in Jongin’s attitude. He replies just as cold, “Apparently, I did.”

There are footsteps behind and he doesn’t have to turn around to know because there’s only one guest in his house, and he’s saying, “Oh, hey Jongin! Hi, hi!”

Sehun’s eyes are still casted on Jongin so he doesn’t miss this heartbreaking, defeated look on his face when he mumbles, “Forget it.”

The hurt look tells Sehun everything that he’s been contemplating the last month. It’s Jongin.

“Hey just, give me a second alright? Please wait.”

Sehun’s hands are holding Jongin’s, wanting to do anything to make things right. He puts that face, the one Jongin can never say no to.

“I’m waiting.” Jongin comments while he steps inside, pushing pass Chanyeol and going to his signature spot on the couch.

Sehun intently observed the way Jongin had walked though his home. His lack of confidence was almost unbearable. His steps were heavy and drawl, his shoulders looking as if he’s got tons on either sides.

It’s final that Sehun decides he’s going in for it because if he lets it sink in right now, Chanyeol hasn’t even budged. Sehun likes to think that he knows Chanyeol enough at this point. He’s quite the go getter but even he has not taken an initiative to develop their relationship into anything stronger.

Pulling Chanyeol from the wrist gently, he guides him upstairs into his room. He doesn’t mean to momentarily exclude Jongin downstairs from anything but he needs to make things transparent between them two, the so called couple that they are.

Sehun leans forward to capture his lips with Chanyeol’s but his eyes are clenched too tight and his lips are dry and pursed out like an orange duck’s beak. He relaxes his shoulders and attracts himself towards Chanyeol only to have their foreheads clash. Giving a distance, he looks forward to see Chanyeol giggling. Chanyeol shakes his head with an grin and suggests they try again. With Chanyeol’s hand beneath his chin holding him in place, Sehun is sure he’ll have a magical kiss with just the way his touch soothes him. Sehun is less gingerly about this compared to their first try. It must be Chanyeol’s fault then when they mess up for the second time. It is his fault because his foot stomps on Sehun’s shoeless foot. If anything, this all answers Sehun’s mental conflict.

“Chanyeol?” Sehun says softly, getting a gentle hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder and caressing it.

“Yeah?”

“I think I have to just say it.”

Chanyeol’s smile doesn’t meet his eyes as they usually do.

Sehun takes a deep breath before he directs them to sit on the edge of his bed. He doesn’t think he could do it standing up or else he’ll run away, or worse, cave out.

“I’ve been trying with us, like really hard. I really like you, but—”

Chanyeol chuckles. That’s one thing that will always make Sehun’s heart flutter no matter what. He says giddily, “Of course there’s a but.”

“This moment made me sure of something I always had on my mind since we got closer.” Sehun doesn’t know if he should touch Chanyeol or not. He refrains from it. “We’re better off as friends.”

“Ah.”

“Really, don’t get me wrong!” Sehun says, going against the battle with his head and grabbing at Chanyeol’s hand even though he confirmed to himself he wouldn’t touch him. “You make me feel things, like I feel really happy when you’re around. I just feel like we’ve grown a connection that isn’t really romantic? We tried to kiss and look where that kind of went.”

Chanyeol nods and squeezes Sehun’s hand. “Platonic relationship? I could live with that, if this means you still want me around.”

“Yes! I love when we’re close. I admit, I’m very attached to you and would be upset if you don’t want even a friendship, but I would understand too.”

Physically and spiritually, he feels so much for Chanyeol but does not feel a swarm of serious emotions. He’s figuring out that now, from Jongin just now, from the kiss just now. Even saying these words are too easy. Letting Chanyeol go, like this, is too easy.

“Are you listening?” Chanyeol shakes his hands on their laps. “I could live with that.”

Sehun instantly jumps, wrapping tight arms around Chanyeol to the point of them falling towards the ground. He kicks at the ground, all shaky, happy feet bouncing as he cheers, “Great, I love you a lot, and still want you in my life.”

Chanyeol's smile falters with Sehun is still on top of him. Something like this doesn’t make Sehun feel odd at all, and Sehun should of known their touches were probably always platonic. Even the look on Chanyeol’s face doesn’t hurt him as much as Jongin’s struck expression had. He doesn’t want to use the excuse about who he’s known longer. In any world, Jongin hurt will always be something that affects him most.

“About that, though. I think it’s best if I kept my distance for some time. Let all of this sink in, because I’ve gotten to really, really like-like you.”

“I’m really sorry.”

Sehun begins to pull away, but Chanyeol is pulling him back in. He shrugs and there’s an unreadable look on his face that Sehun wants to brush off. He wants to cheer him up in soft ways like giving him a stuffed animal or making him a breakfast buffet. Not kiss him and murmur sweet nothings in his ear as he wishes he could for Jongin.

“Can we just— can we try that again?”

Whatever Chanyeol wants, he’ll let it happen one last time. Only if… “It won’t hurt you?”

“No. It won’t.”

With some hesitancy, Sehun wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck pulling him down. He sees Chanyeol smile and that’s enough reassurance for him. Just as their lips are centimeters away there’s a cough that belongs to neither of them, knocking Sehun from their moment and he’s kneeing Chanyeol square at the gut. Chanyeol topples over him and above his shoulder does Sehun see Jongin standing there blankly.

“I wanted to let you know that Solar is awake.”

“Sorry, Jongin! Ah, my baby.”

Jongin shrugs with his eyes hooded and his lips pouty. He comments, “I think I’ll leave.”

“Jongin, I’m going with you.” Sehun shoves at chanyeol, trying to get to him before he can go. He pulls a guilt trip, “I know you wouldn’t leave my baby unattended. You’re not going anywhere.”

When they meet on the first floor, Jongin is whining out, “You left your baby unattended to kiss him!”

Sehun crosses his arms at that and gets daring by intertwining their hands together. “I was just telling him to leave so I could spend time with you. Sorry, I forgot okay.”

“I’ll see you outside.”

Jongin shakes Sehun’s grip off and Sehun tee is not to be offended.

“Wait.” Sehun looks at his baby then back at Jongin. “Is this somewhere I can bring her?”

“Yeah. Course. I wouldn’t pry you out of here with her if she couldn’t come.”

“I’m sorry I forgot, Jongin. I’m excited though.” Sehun smiles frantically wide, flashing all his pretty whites.

Jongin nods with a same smile, though even Sehun can tell it’s more fake than his own. Then he’s practically demanding Sehun to escort him out.

Sehun hops up the stairs, bouncing and skipping every other step until he sees Chanyeol laying on his bed like a starfish. His head cocks yo like he’s been alert and anticipating Sehun’s arrival.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

“What?” Sehun comes closer, two hands grabbing at Chanyeol’s to pull him up.

Chanyeol closes their distance, a finger poking at Sehun’s chest, right where his beating heart pounds rapidly. He has this cunning smirk like he knows so much more than Sehun will ever know. Sehun’s mortified of Chanyeol’s deceitful blackmailing ways. His breath fans over Sehun’s lips when he says, “You love him. You may like me. But you’re in love with Jongin.”

Sehun breaks at that. It’s the first time he’s heard that, ever. Not even he has told himself it out loud. All his emotions the past twenty something years have been kept in a tiny glass bottle, wanting to be broken open and receive attention. He collapses but doesn’t meet the ground because Chanyeol’s arms secure him up.

“I’m sorry we can’t be anything because my heart just won’t do it. I swear my mind is in the right place with you. It’s just—”

“I know.” Chanyeol mumbles. He presses a kiss to Sehun’s temple. There’s a faint murmur of, “I’ll see you,” then he vanishes from Sehun’s room.

Sehun doesn’t want to face Jongin like this but he’s got no choice, he’s made Jongin wait long enough. He rubs at his eyes with his long sleeve he gathers on and makes it down as quick as he possibly can. There’s this menacing ache in his chest that doesn’t come from Chanyeol’s departure but what he said just before it.

The realization dawns on him and Sehun hurts more than ever.

It’s because his fling knew about his true love? It’s because it’s accepting how much he loves Jongin? It’s because he’ll never have Jongin. That’s it.

“Jongin.” Sehun croaks out, holding at his throat to stop whatever he feels. He doesn’t like the knot he’s chucking in.

Sehun’s teary eyes are a ghost to Jongin and it’s not because he’s an attentive driver. He ignores the weeps Sehun makes in the passenger seat. Jongin fails to spare a single glance in _his best friend’s_ direction. Here and now, Sehun wishes he would of chose Chanyeol.

Sehun doesn’t realize they arrive at their destination until the car stops, and stays in its place for long.

“It’s my showcase today for the young children I have been teaching the past six months.”

Sehun’s eyes widen and his hands fall onto his lap. He’s crying out, “Jongin I swear I’m so sorry I forgot about that. My baby, you know. I’m sorry.”

“I get that.” Jongin says softly.

“Okay, good. I didn’t intentionally mean to upset you.” Sehun reaches for his baby’s bag — the stupid one that stupid Jongin got him — and retrieves wipes to clear his eyes and nose and whatever else on his face that may make his distress obvious.

“I know you didn’t.” There’s a tiresome sigh coming from besides him. “Sorry. I’m just going through something and it’s making me completely irrational with you. You don’t deserve it, Sehun.”

Sehun is okay, for now. But hearing that from Jongin, he’ll take his pain away from him any day and hurt for him.

“Tell me.”

Jongin tsks. “You wouldn’t want to hear it.”

“Maybe I do. You know me Jongin, but not enough.” _You know I carry your burdens with you, I always will._ “If it helps, I’d be glad to listen. Only if you’ll tell.”

The silence of car engines and light chatters become apparent. Sehun knows how difficult it is for Jongin to express anything. It’s why he’s the best dancer, the best comedian in Sehun’s eyes. Because he does what he can to stay afloat without a life jacket.

“I think I like, like someone.”

Sehun is certain what he’s hearing now is his own heart heaving out a defeated breath. It’s failing. Piece by piece, everything he’s ever done to keep it together is coming down on him. It’s breaking, shattering into bits. His throat constricts with a tight knob struggling to find its way out of the passage.

Lightly laughing it off, he responds, “Oh, the Jongin who never falls for anybody. That is… tough.”

Sehun should of chose Chanyeol.

Not knowing what to do, he opens his passenger door and takes his baby’s carseat out. His baby always puts his mind and heart in his place. Whenever he feels defeated, like an anchor Solar pulls him and his mood up instantly.

Sehun stands by, waiting for Jongin’s approach to head to the auditorium. He’s trying, trying so hard to not let his feelings get in the way of anything because today is Jongin’s night. Sehun did have two climatic scenarios apart of his night just within an hour but those things can’t hinder how big of a night Jongin is going to have.

Inside the venue, it’s already extremely packed. He apologizes softly for forgetting once again and making them late. There’s a gentle hand on his hip when Jongin reminds him that it’s okay.

It’s not okay, Jongin.

“I saved you and Solar a spot in the front, front. I’ll be sitting there after assessing everything.” Jongin mentions starts walking ahead.

Sehun knows he should appreciatively enjoy the show. Jongin choreographed all the songs, all eight performances with performer age ranges from six to twenty. He can’t help but stare blankly at them and feel remorse over his feelings and actions today. He doesn’t begin to pay any attention to anything until Jongin leaves telling Sehun it’s his piece coming up in two acts.

Sehun fumbles with his phone for a few minutes to get his mind off things. He knows it’s terribly rude but he sends one more apology text to Chanyeol and contemplates on who to text for a pick me up. He really, really has no real friends besides Jongin and Chanyeol and that fucking sucks.

Where did he go wrong? Was it his job he began to invest himself in to since he became distant with his college friends and family? He doesn’t even have any hobbies to feel accomplished over. He doesn’t have his own family that wants to talk to him. Solar, she’s all he’s got. He was given her for a reason, he’s always knew all along.

One of Sehun’s favorite melodic, gentle rap ballads echoes through the room and Sehun instinctively knows. He pockets his phone into his satchel and averts all of his undivided attention towards the stage. There’s this sweet hitting sound to this ballad beneath its gentle rapping. He’s always been so in love with the lyrical story and the flow of the music emerging with the artist’s deep voice.

Jongin, always so happy and charming. Competitive and inspiring. He’s got everything, anybody could fall for. Sehun was shot with that bow and arrow for Jongin. He’s beautiful up on stage, it’s where he’s most magnificent. He seems so ethereal when he dances with passion because his limbs are loose and careless, and there's a rare expression that only the stage and audience gets to witness. He receives three bouquets of flowers (parents, the other instructors, and a global talent scout) by the end of the night but nothing compares to him. Sehun hates that he couldn’t have given him flowers.

It aches that Jongin never knew Jongin enough to realize he caught feelings. That makes him feel like a terrible friend. Jongin never went to him to consult him about it? He told Sehun he was going through something. Was it something betraying that his crush did? Had his crush not even returned their feelings, so now he mopes? Sehun hadn’t been there for him as a friend and that kills him inside.

What hurts most is knowing that the man on stage with his beige slacks and complementing button down, the one with the most stunning smile and single strand of hair hovering over his forehead in the most attractive way, will be going home with him tonight but they’ll never live it the way Sehun’s always envisioned. Jongin will never be his and he’s pathetic for holding on. Stupid for believing sometimes that maybe, just _maybe_ there could be something between them two.

 

“The commute is shit might I mention.”

Sehun sits in between Chanyeol and Baekhyun meanwhile the two have a heated discussion regarding the treatment Baekhyun gives.

He stays almost silent because he doesn’t want his favoritism to show, but Chanyeol just had to use a cuss word around his Solar.

“Chanyeol!”

Sehun tugs at his hoodie to get his lanky ass back down onto the couch since his spit is shooting its way to Baekhyun’s face with how passionate he’s being.

Baekhyun yawns of boredom and the slightest bit of care when he says, “He’s stubborn and ungrateful. He lacks and I’m only trying to shape him up a bit.”

Sehun doesn’t necessarily like the way Baekhyun can be blatant sometimes, especially towards someone he’s recently let into his life so closely. He defends Chanyeol, “Sir, if we’re being honest here Chanyeol is just a jumbo puppy. Majority of the time he’s clueless and unsure of what he wants to do. But from what I do know based off things he’s told me is that he’s really dedicated to your work and gets things done in a timely manageable way.”

Baekhyun places a hand on Sehun’s lap and glances at Chanyeol with this _look_. He says, still distant, “How about this. You stay at my place that’s way too big for the both of us. That’s half your paycheck, me paying for your rent. You’ll still have income from me, and still use your little doggy job for side money.”

“I— what?”

Sehun giggles, “When I worked for him, he too was basically my sugar daddy.”

Chanyeol stands up with hands on his head. “What? What is going on?”

“I’m mean to you?” Baekhyun asks sternly, getting up as well and blowing a full on glare in Chanyeol’s direction.

Chanyeol paces in circles before planting his feet right in front of Sehun. Sehun swats at his butt but Chanyeol makes no intention to move. He answers Baekhyun after his momentary silence, “Yes. But you’re apologizing by moving me out of my shitty house that’s thirty minutes from your office?”

Baekhyun scoffs, “I suppose. I want you on my side. Is that a good enough offer.”

“Sir, I don’t want to be swayed by bribery.”

“Consider it a gift.”

Chanyeol Jumps to what looks like three feet into the air. He raises Sehun’s wrist and gives it a high five and then cheers, “I’m going to tell my mom.”

“Is that a yes or can I fire you within the next minute?” Baekhyun asks flatly.

“I accept the offer!”

Baekhyun stands up and caresses his finger against Sehun’s cheek, then walks down to where Solar is on snug ground and pokes at Solar’s. He purses his lips when he says, “Just so you know, this proposal is only on behalf of Sehun and his daughter. I could care less about supporting you. I just know it’s better to have you closer to him and I. This is truly all I can think of. It gets a little lonely anyways and I wouldn’t like to admit it but you’re strangely amusing.”

Chanyeol coos and skips towards the backyard, leaving Sehun and Baekhyun to sit together with the faint sound of Solar’s rattle instead of Chanyeol’s pouty slurs.

“So why are you actually mean to him?” Sehun says casually.

Baekhyun grins at him toothily. “It’s hilarious.”

Sehun admits, Chanyeol’s stupidity is a cure of his stress sometimes. He wiggles off the couch and onto the ground to where he brings his knees to his chest and glances at chanyeol who has his phone to his ear. He’s talking to his mother. Sehun wishes there were times he could go to someone in his bloodline to share exciting things or to simple get a second opinion from.

“Sehun! Sehun!”

Sehun turns so fast it makes his head spin, his eyes seeing black and white dots. He looks toward to where Baekhyun points and what he beholds is his precious baby in a cottony, bunny jumpsuit attempting to bring her weight over her right shoulder. He hops from his place, prancing in a circle and immediately goes onto his hands and knees to cheer her on, “Fuckin go Solar. Oh my, she’s rolling for the first time. She’s fucking—“

“Sehun! Watch your language.” Baekhyun scolds, toes kicking at his elbow, making him lose his balance.

“What is all the ruckus?” Chanyeol’s voice is abrupt over Sehun’s enthusiasm and Baekhyun is blabbering something else under breath, and then hears this low, extreme, Holy shit!”

Inching closer, he curls over his body and puts his hands onto his palms. He smiles in awe, chest pounding with an adrenaline he’s never felt before. It’s a mixture of accomplishment and heartwarming delight.

“I have to tell—” Sehun pouts. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are here, he doesn’t have to tell Jongin.

Chanyeol crawls down right next to Sehun. He has his phone in his hands so he raises it and coos, “Let’s take a photo!”

Baekhyun flops off the couch as well, straightening Solar’s blanket and pulling Chanyeol’s phone away from him to capture them all into one video. The two are fighting, swatting their hands at each other’s faces and arms, over who wants to be closer to Solar despite how all three of them are hovering around her from each corner. Solar emits a giggle that echoes through the whole room and silences the other two. Sehun thinks, yeah, just Baekhyun and Chanyeol (even is there is one more edge for Jongin).

 

Don’t get Sehun wrong, he absolutely loves his baby but sometimes he gets bored. Since Baekhyun’s offer in advantage towards Chanyeol’s job, the two of them have been getting him settled in. He hears from Chanyeol over the phone while he’s folding his clothes into a box that he’s found an interest. Sehun’s heart should sway upsettingly to that but it doesn’t. Instead, he’s happy for Chanyeol, but a part of him does realize if Chanyeol does act fast, he’ll have even less time for Sehun.

Having no friends nor hobbies has given him more time to overthink the negative situations in his life. He’s reminded of having nobody for Solar, in the way Sehun wants. He remembers that his parents still haven’t bothered to contact him. He doesn’t have anything going for himself and even occasionally looking up mom blogs for free time activities haven’t helped him and bid.

It’s simple for him to conclude that his problems start and end, like an entire cycle, with Jongin and Chanyeol.

Sehun doesn’t know who to go to for exhaling his pent up stress and overthinking. All of his friends are more or so Jongin’s friends, they might spill things that should be kept a secret. He can’t vent to Chanyeol if he’s one half of the predicament, though he would make him laugh to no end. He calls Jongin because as much as he tears him apart, he pieces him together.

Jongin takes his time. It’s nothing Sehun’s ever experienced before. When he needs Jongin, he’s there in a heartbeat, even if the texts are as simple as _come over_. But today, there’s an unsettling feeling in his chest when he comes half an hour later than the time he said he would (which was two hours upon Sehun’s invitation).

Sehun doesn’t want to think about the time Jongin is spending trying to win his crush’s heart. They might be on a date, something casual because he knows Jongin likes simple places as he does. He might be at their place doing things _they_ would do, watch a movie with a variety of snacks laid out on the coffee table. He just might of bought something for their lunch, like how Jongin invites Sehun over the studio.

Sehun doesn’t hear the doorbell because he sits at the couch that faces his window with a mango smoothie in his hand. He sees Jongin strolling up to his yard and before his hands can fist at the door, Sehun is swinging it open with the biggest smile he thinks he’s ever given Jongin in a long while.

“What’s up, Sehun?” Jongin says but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes as they usually do.

Sehun leans forward and loops his arms around Jongin’s waist. He lingers long, every fiber in his body never wanting to let go. He reciprocates what he is going on so he backs away smoothly to make it less suspicious and mumbles, “I haven’t seen you in awhile.”

“It’s been only a week, I guess.” Jongin shrugs.

“That’s too long for me.” Sehun admits and closes the door behind Jongin.

Sehun takes in the faint footsteps that belong to no other than Jongin Kim from behind him. It’s nice to have another presence in his home that he can feel, that he can actually communicate with.

“What’s all of this?”

Glancing around his small home does it begin to remind himself of the miscellaneous boxes taking up all the walking space and large trinkets displayed on his dining table.

“They’re Chanyeol’s things. He’s actually moving—”

“This isn’t working out for me.” Jongin says abruptly, not daring to walk deeper into his home.

Sehun sets down his drink and entirely takes in Jongin’s presence to see if he can understand the sudden haste, the gloominess in the atmosphere. He doesn’t get it, so he asks genuinely, “What do you mean Jongin?”

“I think I need— I think you need to figure things out yourself.” Jongin says way too quick.

Jongin doesn't look at Sehun and that hurts because whatever he feels, he can always tell Sehun but right now nothing feels right. Sehun remains silent, hoping to ease more out of Jongin.

“I can’t be apart of this picture. I’m not. I don’t want to be whatever I am here.”

The pain Sehun had left last time cannot match up to what breaks him now. His body is rigid, eyes blinking Jongin blankly. It dawns on him that this is the best friend who is firm on his feet, wanting to walk away. Sehun holds at his chest with his voice tiny and fragile, “You’re walking away after you told me you’d always be here?”

Jongin crosses his arms with a shrug. He replies, “I guess that’s a way to put it.”

“You’ll break my heart if you leave.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Sehun swallows his heart in his throat, trying to ease of anything that gives out how torn he feels. He practically whispers, “You’re my best friend.”

“You really don’t know what you have in front of you, do you?” Jongin’s tone is a killer and Sehun fails to understand why he’s striking it at him, someone like Sehun. Jongin knows who Sehun is, how Sehun is. Why would he do something like this and let his tasteless words roll off his tongue. This isn’t his Jongin.

Sehun bites his lip, blinking furiously to prevent any tears that may fall.

“I think I’m making this argument about myself and blaming you. I don’t blame you, really.” Now, that’s his Jongin but Sehun doesn’t want to accept it.

Sehun simply asks with a burdening heart, “Then why are you upset?”

“Your fucking baby! You make absolutely zero time for me now. You’re only forcing Chanyeol in your life because you think he and you will be happy with her. And hm, actually, when you asked me if I thought you were ready? Yeah, no. I didn’t think so. You’re so fucking dependent. There’s not a thing you can do on your own without me. I’ve always helped you do this and that. I don’t feel appreciated, but you wouldn’t know that. Because it’s been so long since I got a simple word from you about how I’m doing. How about my feelings and what I want? It seems like Chanyeol’s always over because every time I pull up here, his car occupies my parking spot. I just want some time with you but I clearly don’t have a place here anymore.”

“Why… are you saying all of this.”

Jongin steps forward, and any closer, Sehun might think he’s out to get him. He’s never thought there would be a day where Jongin would hurt him. And right now, he’s emotionally defeated by his best friend with aggressive verbal remarks and he doesn’t want to think that Jongin would lay a hand on him.

“That baby ruined us. We were so good. You had me, I really had you. Always. Since then, you’ve been nothing but— but naive and oblivious. All of your insecurities and breakdowns because of her, I have to witness that. You’ve missed way more of my things that I have accomplished, more than you think you have. You don’t even have a personal routine anymore and your hair is so fucking unkempt. She’s ruining your life.”

Every vessel in Sehun’s body pounds. The blood in his stream flows rapidly. His mind, his ducking head throbs and aches, unable to reciprocate each word spewed in his direction. Acting impulsively from deep down in the out of his stomach and from the core of his heart, his sweaty palms turn into a fist that swings, Jongin’s cheek being its target.

Sehun feels his hand ringing in his ear. It shakes and aches, just like everything in his body. Like an endless waterfall, tears make his way down his cheeks as his lip quivers. He looks away from where he had hit Jongin because despite the venomous words, Sehun loves him. He loves him no matter what and it hurts to see Jongin with a scarlet cheek and wide, mortified eyes.

“I could never regret falling for you, but having you in my baby’s life…” Sehun’s voice cracks, emotions defeating what he wants to say. He looks Jongin right in the eye, hoping he can see what Sehun feels. Hoping that it’ll get to him, cutting even deeper, Sehun exhaustingly whimpers out, “Jongin.”

Time slows down but picks up instantly when Jongin steps forward. Sehun flinches, causing Jongin to raise his hands in defense. Sehun doesn’t want to ever think Jongin would hurt him, nor does he want to acknowledge that Jongin is afraid that Sehun thinks he’s afraid of Jongin. It’s an utterly confusing statement, but he’s not afraid. He just doesn’t want Jongin right now.

Jongin steps back even further and further as he begs, “Wait, Sehun. Please. Please, Sehun.”

Sehun shakes his head, continuing to step further and further away, separating the space between them in a way he thought he never would need to. He rasps out, “Get away from me. I don’t want to be around you.”

“I misunderstood. I took this exaggeratedly. Sehun, you have to listen to me.”

“I’ve heard enough, Jongin.”

Sehun chases the stairs, slamming his bedroom door shut. He curls his arms around his baby from her crip and holds her closely to him, murmuring all the praises in the world about her beauty and worth. He could care less if Jongin is still invading his home, at least he’s nowhere near him to see him cry and whimper pathetically.

 

So he calls Baekhyun.

Not surprisingly, he’s here within ten minutes. Sehun can hear the banging from the door. He must know jongin is here from the car in the driveway. He knows it’s about jongin because Baekhyun has asked, is jongin or chanyeol busy? Sehun had told him Chanyeol might be sensitive over this topic. And Jongin? Fuck, Jongin.

“Sehun, baby. Come down.” Sehun hears faintly over Solar’s soft breathing.

Covering his baby’s ears, he shouts over her shoulder, “Not if he’s still here!”

Baekhyun coos from his stairway, “Aw, come down. He’s not I promise.”

Sehun hesitantly escapes his bed, taking Solar and a pacifier with him. Inching towards the staircase he sees Baekhyun with a bag and a smile. He trusts and makes his way down slowly, feeling his body ache with nerves and a heartache.

“How’d you get him out?”

“Kicked his little ass out.”

Sehun giggles mindlessly. “It is little.”

“Humor for a coping mechanism. It seems so you.”

Baekhyun reaches for Solar and guides them to the couch. He rocks her and nudges his chin towards the brown bag. It contains little goodies like fresh cookies that smells like happiness and cold chocolate milk. Silly enough, he finds a get well soon card all glittery with stars and hearts.

“Where’d you get the time to get all this if you came here so fast?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “Open the letter.”

It’s signed off from Chanyeol.

In the midst of Sehun smiling and thumbing over Chanyeol’s gentle words, Baekhyun groans to himself, “I knew it was fucking strange of you to be dating Chanyeol.”

Sehun knits his eyebrows in confusion. “What?”

“Why’d you do so much for Chanyeol?”

Baekhyun scoots closer to Sehun, placing an available hand on his lap. Sehun instinctively curls towards the warm touch.

“Stop asking me so much. I’m hurt.”

“Which is why I’m asking.”

Sehun raises his shoulders and slouches. He always knew why he needed Chanyeol, but down the line he realized it just wasn’t the same. He still values Chanyeol as a person and friend. Though he doesn’t feel anything romantic in the way it should, it doesn’t mean he should stop doing things for Chanyeol. He doesn’t really get Baekhyun’s question. He got Chanyeol a job, he spent time with him. It’s not _so much_. He doesn't consider anything in a bribing type of mechanism but it feels like it deep down— he wanted to do whatever to make him stay.

“I wanted a figure for Solar. I needed somebody else for her.”

Baekhyun hums, in a sly, cocky way that Sehun cannot comprehend. “Perfect response.”

“Huh?”

It’s strange. The way Baekhyun looks at him. He holds pity and generosity in his eyes. Sehun looks away, not wanting to absorb those emotions. Baekhyun turns him back in his direction nonetheless and says, “I knew you never fell for Chanyeol like that. It had me so perplexed that you took him in so much.”

“I’ve been seeing him as a really good friend lately. He’s the best.” Sehun admits, eyes crinkling from smiling so much. He’s had good memories with him for sure.

“He’s the best, but not enough for you?”

“He’s more than enough, trust me.”

“Yeah, and yet you settle for your best friend.” Baekhyun scoffs, elbowing at Sehun’s side.

Sehun gasps and pushes him just as much, though he pulls him back in place when he remembers Solar is on his lap. He groans, “Baekhyun, shut up. You too?”

“Who else?”

Mumbling under breath, he answers, “Chanyeol.”

“Ouch.” Baekhyun playfully flinches and files his teeth together. “He moved on fast.”

Suddenly at interest, like he’s been since Chanyeol broke the news, he asks, “Do you know who maybe?”

“It’s my pretty young thing of a neighbor. Taeyong Lee. He’s awfully shy and acts way too delicate despite his intimidating expression and posture.” Baekhyun traces his fingers down Sehun’s cheek with a sincere look. “Much like you.”

“Hmp.” Sehun sighs and slouches deeper into the couch. “I dated Chanyeol fast. Putting labels on things before I could feel anything. I did it because he reminded me so much of Jongin.”

“You’ll get through this.” Baekhyun pulls him close, an arm over his shoulder, his face falling into Baekhyun’s chest right next to his baby. He whispers in his ear, “You’ve got me and I’m sure there’s Chanyeol. Chanyeol, and most definitely, your precious baby.”

Sehun stretches over Baekhyun’s lap, hauling Solar into his as he silently thanks how silent of a baby she truly is. She never gives him a hard time. It’s why he can just ask Baekhyun, “Wanna get dinner?”

 

Sehun’s fingers graze the silver doorknob. He can’t fathom the thought of leaving his baby but he’s too shaken in all the wrong places. Overwhelming feelings deep in a pool of emotions overflowing to his heart and stomach. It’s a heart that aches from longing and a stomach grumbling from not eating enough since the incident. He needs to relieve this feeling, so he latches his front door knob tighter and turns.

“Please Sehun, enjoy yourself.” Chanyeol whispers, nudging him through the door. He smiles shakily, like he’s trying too hard for the both of them.

“Okay, take care of her well.” Sehun responds, hiding his hesitation.

When Sehun inches towards his car, unlocking it until the lights reflect against his garage, does he see a faint silhouette. He shivers, his arm hairs spiking up, the pounding of his heart audible in the night silence. It reminds him of how curious and terrified he was to see what was on his doorstep at such a late night.

“Chan?” Sehun says, turning his chin over his shoulder. “Chanyeol!”

If there’s anything Sehun’s learned about animals, and psychopaths from movies, it’s that the target shouldn’t move. So Sehun stays in his place hoping Chanyeol hears his cries. He can’t get another whimper out because the unknown’s shadow is present on his sidewalk, going towards Sehun in lightning speed.

“It’s just me, Sehun! It’s me, Jongin.”

Sehun thrashes from the hold and kicks forward, earning a hunched over Jongin. It’s Jongin, still, he’s frustrated and upset that his friend would pull a stunt like this. As a give bonus, he’s releasing all the anger and aggression he’s held since the few weeks ago with those words that still cunningly cut through Sehun’s chest until today.

“What?” Sehun sneers, wrapping his arms around himself, feeling himself ease from the coolness against his leather jacket.

Jongin’s lips twitch, seeming as if he’s trying to find the right words before he could get them out. After a moment (who knows why Sehun even lets him explain, it must be because he still loves him), he voices out, “I—I might be stepping boundaries here. But I need to know something. Please.”

“I’m about to go somewhere. Make it fast.”

“But... Chanyeol’s over? And you don’t have Solar?” Jongin turns around with his thumb pointing at Chanyeol’s car parked by the mailbox, usually where Jongin always claims.

Flatly, he comments, “I’m going out.”

“Without Solar?”

“Chanyeol is babysitting.”

Jongin’s head tilts and Sehun wishes he weren’t so adorable, even still with Sehun feeling negatively towards him. “Why?”

“It’s what friends do?” Sehun says as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world.

A exhaling sound of relief comes from Jongin. He’s quick in commenting, “That’s what I’m here to find out from you.”

Jongin hesitantly takes a step forward and Sehun let’s him. He doesn’t back away. The light rays of the moon cast a pretty look on Jongin and he can’t turn away even if he wanted to, because he doesn’t want to. He might be heartbroken but he knows what beauty looks like and Jongin is basking beneath the moonlight looking as beautiful as ever. Sehun will take what he can get for now, one last time before he decides he’ll completely exclude Jongin from his life. He wants to hear this pathetic apology, he wants to cuddle into his his sheets and cry over it. Then will he finally get over his childhood best friend, Jongin.

But Jongin’s words are trivia. Sehun can’t understand whether Jongin’s words are leading up to an apology or if he’s going to spit more criticism about Sehun’s parenting and belittle his daughter’s existence. He wants to run back into his home, run back into his car and never see Jongin again.

Sehun is utterly helpless when it comes to Jongin. He’s give him the universe, and then some more.

“It’s okay, if I talk, right? Right now.”

“I’m standing here, not about to punch you, right?” Sehun says in a snappy tone, attempting to mock Jongin’s sentence structure.

Jongin releases a breathy laugh. “Don’t remember you being this sassy. A little, sure. But wow. I miss you so much.”

“Jongin.” Sehun says sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s awful at being serious, but he hopes this posture radiates some type of power to have Jongin fret over whatever he’s proposing.

“Tell me. Tell me what you said about what you’d never regret.”

Sehun’s breath hitches in his throat. He’d look anywhere but at Jongin but his eyes won’t move, just as his body. All he sees is Jongin. The one he fell for when he was young and naive. Falling for the person who was always there for him, the person who was the only one there for him. He fell for the toothy smile and the crinkly eyes with puffy lids. Such a sculpted jaw and chin for his prepubescent age already. He fell in love with everything Jongin from his tan skin in contrast to Sehun’s cool shade when they touched. It was the way it always felt like an electric current tickling his fingertips. Sehun sees the Jongin he’s always dreamed of being with for the rest of his life.

It’s now or never. If they ruin their friendship, at least Sehun will know he let himself be free. Sehun’s feelings will no longer be held captive behind his rib cage. No part of him will suffocate any longer. And his mind won’t have to wonder what or how Jongin would feel.

“I could never regret falling for you.” Sehun says with confidence, not a single trace of doubt dripping from his confession.

Jongin lunges in his direction. Just when Sehun thought he was always, already emotionally be hurt by Jongin, never did he think Jongin would actually hurt him. His eyes squeeze shut, ready to bare the pain coming towards him. But it never does. The only touches he feels are tight, familiar arms wrapping around him. His legs flail in the air without his toes on the ground anymore. His eyes flutter open, meeting Jongin’s twinkly ones that appear the way Sehun has always dreamed of. He’s seen this look a billion of times, but he’s always fantasized this look being directed towards him. It is tonight.

“Solar, sweet Solar Oh, she’s not a mistake. She didn’t, and will never ruin your life. She’s your greatest treasure. You’ve been doing nothing but your absolute best and will keep developing into a better you. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve said. I’ve only said it in my result of jealousy and hurt. Sehun, believe me.”

Sehun’s arms are numb and limp, staying in his place while Jongin continues to prop him with arms around his waist. He doesn’t feel as if it’s right to put his arms around Jongin’s shoulders. He appreciates the speech, he might even forgive him, but he just doesn’t like this intimacy. He doesn’t deserve this. Jongin doesn’t get to come here, sweep Sehun off his feet, and expect a fairytale ending. He hurt Sehun. He stole Sehun’s heart and wounded it because he was hurt himself? It’s selfish and unfair. Friends wouldn’t do that to each other.

“Let go of me, Jongin.” Sehun says weakly and breathless, emotionally feeling worse than their last encounter.

Jongin obeys, but his hands don’t falter, they still latch themselves onto Sehun’s hip.

“What’s wrong?”

Sehun looks down, glancing at Jongin’s hands to make sure they aren’t on fire. His skin burns with the touch of Jongin’s fingertips.

“You don’t get to do that Jongin.”

“Do what?”

“You hurt me. You’ve hurt me all my life. But I let you because I love you.” Sehun let’s the warm tears fall down his cheek, not bothering to wipe it because his arms still won’t move. He finds the strength in him to express more than he thought he could. “You’re feeding your confidence from me saying I fell for you. Do you understand what that means? I’m fucking in love with my best friend who doesn’t even care. He thinks he can just apologize and I’ll accept it.”

The moment Jongin tightens his grip around Sehun’s waist, it’s like a light switch or a marble rolling across the surface. Sehun shoves at Jongin away with force. “Because I love you so much, I forgive you. And that drains my dignity, Jongin!”

“Sehun, calm down. Listen. You don’t know how I feel.”

Worn out from the blizzard of emotions that Jongin creates, he sighs exhaustingly, “Tell me. We can break this, finally. Do it already.”

“Your baby made me realize I’ve always loved you.”

Sehun, he— “Jongin, no. You’re messing with me. You’re lying because you’re sick and like to break my heart.”

“Sehun come on. When have I intentionally hurt you? Never.” Jongin and his stupid lean, long legs come walking over to him with pride. He’s reaching for Sehun’s hand despite how many times Sehun makes it evident that he wants to be nowhere near jongin. This time Sehun let’s Jongin hold it. “I wish I knew about my feelings sooner. I wish I knew about yours from the start.”

“I really, really love you jongin. More than friends. I want everything there is to do with you. I want you in any way possible.” Sehun responds effortlessly. Everything he says just expresses itself wholeheartedly and tired, _so so tired._

Jongin cups his cheeks with purpose, holding him close with no caution like he kneels that it’s okay now. He says urgently with his eyes deeply invested in Sehun’s, “I love you, too, Sehun. I said you didn’t know what you had in front of you. I guess it’s something I lack, too.”

“Jongin.” Sehun says softly, he bites his lip as a mechanism to relieve his nerves. Knowing Jongin wouldn’t possibly judge him, he shares, “Tonight... I was going to go out to find somebody, for myself.”

Jongin makes a breathy, upset gasp. He scopes the room before glancing back at Sehun. “No, Sehun. Really?”

“I was hurt. So hurt from you. So hurt from Chanyeol. Hurt from my baby. I hurt myself. And I hadn’t had any action in almost half a year. I needed somebody.” Sehun admits with his voice quivering all over again. He sees Jongin’s expression and begins whining, “Why are you rolling your eyes!”

“Why hadn’t you asked your friend slash boyfriend Chanyeol?”

“You’re smart enough to pick up from since our conversation right now, that we’re just friends.”

Jongin gives him a warm smile. “I did. It’s what made me want to confess. I only meant to apologize before I came here, especially seeing his fucking car here _a-fucking-gain_.”

Sehun feels on top of the world. As if someone sucked his soul into another universe, the world where Jongin loves him back just as much. He blinks multiple times just to be certain that where he stands now is where he belongs. He’s actually in a setting where Jongin does love him. Sehun lunches forward and gives him a dramatic, tight hug. Because if this universe is real, they wouldn’t let Jongin vanish in thin air. This Jongin is warm and returning the embraces. This Jongin is his Jongin and he absolutely loves Sehun.

Pulling away but keeping their hands intertwined, he wants an answer for what he’s picking up on. “Why do you hate him so much?”

Jongin scoffs and swings their hands together. “I thought he was replacing me. I thought he’d actually be solars dad and I felt hurt that I’ve been here for her longer.”

With a grin, Sehun comments, “You could of been the cool uncle if me and Chanyeol end up getting married.”

“Stop teasing, Sehun.” Jongin pouts and Sehun’s close to kissing it off him but he's unsure he wants to do that yet.

Sehun laughs, pressing his hand to Jongin’s cheek then poking at his rare dimple. “Ooh, it’s really a sensitive topic for you.”

“Hell yes it is. I love you so much and I hate the way you and Chanyeol were under each other’s spells.

Sehun thinks deeply at that for a moment. His heart flutters at the thought of Jongin being jealous all this time. As a matter of fact, this has always been Sehun’s plan since he initiated the favor of Jongin dressing him up. And to think it worked, it blows Sehun’s mind to the moon and back. He too, though, wants to make things clear to Jongin because he loves him too much and would hate for him to be hurt over what he comprehends wrongly.

“I think we just gave each other everything we wanted to give to somebody else. We both had so much of our own crisis and it was good to help. We’re actually good friends.”

“Hm.”

“You’re my best friend though.” Sehun says finally.

“And boyfriend?”

“Yes. If you ask properly.”

“We’re grown ups. Do I have to ask?”

Sehun shrugs, eyes darting to his front door. He pats Jongin’s hip and announces, “I think I hear Solar crying. Well it was a nice night, Jongin.”

Just like that, Jongin is pulling him back and wrapping his arms around Sehun. He presses his cheek against Sehun’s chest as he pleads dramatically, “Sehun Oh, will you please be my boyfriend because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live without you. Those last few weeks were hard. The worst days of my life knowing I hurt you because I was hurt, myself.”

Sehun stifles his laugh and caresses Jongin’s neck. He gives Jongin what he wants by gently saying in a hushed tone, “I’d do anything for you Jongin. So, yes.”

Jongin straightens his posture, clearing out his throat with an exaggerated cough. He grimaces, then sticks out his tongue childishly. “Take that Chanyeol.”

Sehun brings Jongin in his arms again, loving the warmth in a new light. He’s hugging Jongin under different circumstances where they’ve both confessed. They both feel the same. Holding Jongin tight and intimate while the feeling is mutual feels so fucking incredible.

“He’s watching Solar for the night. Wanna go to yours and just cuddle like good times?”

“No, no.” Jongin waves. He intertwines their fingers when he suggests, “Let’s go on a date.”

 

The definition of a date to both Sehun and Jongin is taking a late night stroll beneath downtown city lights and the moon. They twinkle above them leaving little glints on buildings to come as they dally mindlessly.

Jongin had suggested going into a bar but Sehun frankly insisted that it would remind him too much of what was supposed to happen this night.

Sehun makes the two of them forget that when he spots a hot dog cart and begins racing towards it. Late night, onion grilled and bacon wrapped. Those hot dogs are to die for when it’s nearly minutes til midnight.

It’s the perfect meal for the type of dates that Sehun would indulge in rather than a formal dinner or a club scene. Jongin things the same, and Sehun remembers how they’re compatible best friends. Of course he’d think the same. Or, maybe he agrees just because he’s Sehun’s best friend. Either way, Sehun gets what he wants most of the time.

The phone in his pocket buzzes when they’ve found a small bench to sit at in a well lit area. The weather feels fine, a cool night with crisp air but still warm enough to be without a long sleeve. Sehun couldn’t be more happier. He almost doesn’t want to answer the call, but seeing Chanyeol’s name, he faces concern.

“Hey? What’s wrong, Chanyeol?”

“I don’t want to ruin your night.” Sehun detects nerves in his statement. He knows Chanyeol well.

It doesn’t stop Sehun from lessening his worry and responding more soft and casual (it’s because this will ease Chanyeol, he’s certain of how to play his newfound best friend), “You’d never.”

“Right, which is why I’m at Baek’s and Taeyong’s here, too. We’re watching your baby because she got a bit out of hand for me.”

Sehun sighs in reassurance from Chanyeol’s truth and how easy it was to coax it out of him. He ends up asking, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What did I just say?”

“Oh my gosh. Be quiet!” If Chanyeol were actually present he’d hit his chest or pull one of those elfy ears.

“Enjoy your night. Don't pick up Solar. See her tomorrow okay. You deserve it.”

Chanyeol hangs up before he could respond any further.

Sehun takes a deep breath before glancing at Jongin with a warm smile. He sees that look on Jongin’s face, it’s what Sehun can now defect as jealousy and not he used to think was perturbation.

“Chanyeol took Solar to my boss because he couldn’t calm her down or something.” Sehun announces with a shrug. “We can go back to my place since it’s quicker to Baek for me to pick her up.”

Jongin nods quite eagerly.

It amuses Sehun how he can eat sloppily without worry. He’s nearly choking on bacon from how fast he’s eating it, and it’s in front of the man he’s always loved, and yet he can’t be bothered to think about what Jongin must see. The perks of dating his best friend. He’s never felt so comfortable on a date (besides the one with Chanyeol, but look where they are now — best friends). If he knew long ago, he’d date all his friends to surpass the shy talks and politeness.

“So… how is she?”

Sehun finishes his bite, stomach bubbly that he gets to update Jongin on his baby. He’s afraid if he starts, he won’t stop. But he does so anyways. “She’s getting better with peek-a-boo. I’m transitioning her to baby food at the moment. Oh, the new cutest thing she’s doing is blowing bubbles and poking her tongue out.”

“Raspberries.”

“Yeah, that.”

When they’re both done eating, astonishingly, the cliche doesn’t happen. He expects Jongin to lean forward to wipe his mouth from ketchup but instead, he flicks his forehead with vigor.

“What was that for?” Sehun shouts, holding his hand against his forehead that’s throbbing already.

“Never making a move on me all these years.”

Sehun acts the part of an offended victim as he says, “How’s that my fault. You just went un-straight all of a sudden!”

Jongin chews the insides of his cheek, that thing he does when he’s stuck from thinking too hard. He’s done it so much the first week of his studio opening that he couldn’t use minty mouth rinse for a couple days. Sehun had teasingly told him not to laugh in his direction during that whole doltish situation.

“I still am. It’s just you, only you.”

“I suppose I have a thumping forehead, and I still don’t get you.” Sehun mumbles playfully. He raises Jongin’s hand and presses it to his own forehead, an electricity current sparking and burning where it lies. Jongin’s hand slips down his forehead and against his eyelashes, thumbing at every curve and plain of Sehun’s face. Sehun breathes in deeply, eyes closed in tranquility as he lets Jongin’s touch roam and linger abroad.

“Take my friends for example, I think they’re handsome bunches of guys but I don’t feel anything for how they look. Chanyeol is a really, really good example of an attractive human being but I don’t drool over him. Baekhyun flirted with me one time too many but it’s not like I ever felt like flirting back.”

Jongin intertwines his fingers with Sehun, planting a soft kiss to his knuckles and Sehun tries not to cave out right there and then. It would be pretty reckless for Jongin to carry his similar weight back in the streets of downtown. Sehun thinks he’s forgotten which parking garage their ride is located in.

Sehun shrugs and invests his attention in Jongin again. “I’m flattered, apparently.”

“As you should be because you’re the most ethereal person I have ever laid my eyes on. You make my head feel dreamy and clouded.”

“Sounds like you’re in a kid’s picture book.”

“I may have been reading one or two that I’ve bought for Solar whenever I start to miss her.”

It’s then that Sehun leans into Jongin with purpose. Their lips meet for the first time like fitting puzzle pieces slotting together. Sehun is in the universe he’s always wished he could take himself to, where Jongin’s lips are plump and soft, warm and full. He’s gentle when he tilts his head, pulling Sehun closer with his arms around his waist. Sehun creates their distance, wanting to let everything sink in. He’s taking in the way Jongin’s breath fans against his lips and the thin line of saliva attached between them. Everything is real.

“When did you?” Sehun whispers.

Jongin hums in response, lips pursing out.

Sehun buries his head into the crook of Jongin’s neck, holding him close because if he doesn’t Jongin might vanish like all he dreams Sehun has dreamed. He mumbles into the fabric of Jongin’s shirt, “Me. Liking me. When was it. Before Solar, do you think?”

“Summer. That hoodie during our first outing with Solar.”

 

“We don’t have to do this right away. Kissing you is more than enough.” Sehun admits shyly, avoiding Jongin’s eyes.

He holds onto the fact that this would be Jongin’s first time doing something this intimate with another man. He’s just realized his feelings for Sehun not to long ago. Sehun wouldn’t want to ruin anything for him.

And to be a bit selfish and precautious, Sehun admits he’s afraid Jongin would get up and leave the second he’s become disturbed. He has hurt Sehun a bit the last couple of months. If anything, Sehun’s learned to shield his heart a bit better these days, for himself and Solar.

“Do you not want to?”

Sehun sits up straight, nearly knocking teeth with Jongin. He lets out a breathy laugh and says, “Do you know who you’re talking to?”

Jongin smirks and lays him back down with a firm hand on his chest. “My boyfriend.”

The second Sehun’s shirt is off and they’re staring intently at other’s features, Sehun whispers, “We don’t have to.”

“I want to.” Jongin says back in the same tone, same style, nothing but a sweet hush.

“Everything feels like a dream.” This would make him plummet further into it.

Sehun eases off of Jongin’s lap, plopping himself onto the empty space besides him. He takes a deep breath before walking towards his bathroom and retrieving the almost unfamiliar items in his bottom drawer. It’s been decades since he’s done anything so the condoms are probably long gone expired. He’s astound to see his lube bottle half way full but because it’s been so long, he’s worried that it might not be enough.

Going back in Jongin’s direction, Sehun attempts to walk with a purpose. His hips sway sharply as he steps one foot in front of the other. He makes it two feet towards the bed until he’s plummeting onto the carpet, Solar’s baby bottle pulling him to the surface.

“Oh, gosh. Sehun. Of course our moment would turn out like this.” Jongin chuckles with his hands clapping like an amused seal.

Sehun tosses their necessities onto the bed. With hands on his hips he says, “Should I’d heard what happened with me and Chanyeol while getting started.”

If Sehun was ever oblivious to Jongin’s possession over him, it’s transparent now. He pulls Sehun by the wrist, his body landing on top of Jongin’s with a yelp. His lips are so needy for Sehun’s as they pucker and wind with fever. And his hands, fuck his hands, cup all his curves from his hips to his ass and that’s enough for Sehun to retract, grabbing the lube.

“We can do this how you want.” Sehun insists, already sinking his head into a pillow comfortably and spreading his legs. He smirks cunningly, yet tries to be as innocent as possible when he goes on, “It can be hands on or you can watch.”

“I—I’ll take mental notes for now.”

Sehun furrows his eyebrows for a second before giggling at the way Jongin decides to use his words. “Why do you say it that way!”

“I’m sorry, fuck. But it’s not just watching. I need to prepare myself when we do it again.”

Sehun grins happily, teasing palming at himself just to get another silly reaction from jongin. He says, “So you’re already thinking about a next time.”

Jongin nods with an embarrassing look and Sehun prods no further. Because as much as Jongin is so cute like this, he’s aching to see the side he’s never got to before. He knows that Jongin’s got it in him. He’s seen the expressions he makes when he’s doing body rolls or grinding the ground in his choreography. Sehun knows exactly what Jongin is capable of. He wants that energy directed at him tonight.

Sehun rolls the bottle between his palms for a couple of seconds before squirting a respectful amount onto his fingers. He doesn’t really tease himself because he’s a bit impatient, besides, he even sees Jongin squirming in his spot once he’s got a finger deep inside him. He thrusts it with authority, hissing sharply when he reciprocates how tight he really is. He adds a second, wanting to feel the pressure and sting, just a little more. His head tilts back, a thrumming in his system making him feel insanely aroused. He’s working himself open quick now, forgetting that he’s just supposed to be stretching himself because everything feels too good. Three fingers deep, scissoring and rubbing at his walls expertly, Sehun pays no mind to his single audience until he hears a low moan.

“Oh, fuck, I’m prepped enough.” Sehun murmurs, pulling his fingers out with a tiny squelch.

“Good.” Jongin replies almost breathlessly.

Sehun gets on his knees, crawling into a position. “As much as I want to look at you, I think it’ll play out safe on my hands and knees. You’d maybe feel better, too.”

“Wait, can I? Can we? Look at each other.”

What Jongin wants will always outweigh everything else. Sehun doesn’t see why they shouldn’t do missionary. He just felt as if Jongin may not be ready, in a self identity type of way. This’ll be his first time having sex with someone with the same body parts as him, Sehun doesn’t know how he would feel about that. But because he asks with an aurora that’s almost coy and sheepish, Sehun will grant. Though he really wishes he could feel Jongin from behind. Where his hips will snap vigorously against his ass and his fingers would seep so harsh and deep into Sehun’s flesh. He wants that. But tonight, it’s for Jongin. Sehun will do anything for Jongin.

Sehun falls onto his back, spreading his legs as if to welcome Jongin towards him. He’s inching towards Sehun like a baby deer, limbs so loose and clumsy. Distracting whatever nerves Jongin may have, Sehun guides him close to the point of their chests aligning together. He cups Jongin’s cheeks and gives him a chaste kiss while his thumbs rub gently beneath his eyes.

“It’s all new. You’re nervous. That’s okay. You can’t possibly mess up though because I’ve been so in love with you. I’ve wanted this forever. You’d give me the perfect experience no matter what.” Sehun wraps his arms around his shoulder and hugs him close. “Besides, after this point it’s nothing new to you. I’m sure.”

With that being said, he pushes at Jongin’s chest to give them distance and he chucks the condom at his head. “This part, you must know. I swear, you really better know.”

“I do!” Jongin whines, condom confining himself quickly.

Sehun shouldn’t find that as hot as he does. It’s nothing. There’s nothing sexy about tight latex suffocating a dick, but Sehun loves it. Loves the way Jongin fists himself, loves how slick and thick his fucking cock looks in his hand as he adjusts. And the low groan he makes between it all is enough for Sehun to wrap his legs around him, puling him close. Sehun is ready to take all of it.

“Are you usually this needy?” Jongin asks with a grin.

“Only after a baby daughter who’s worn me out day after day.” Sehun responds playfully. He means it, but also could never fully take this to the heart.

They’re just looking at each other. Casting their eyes upon one another and Sehun feels as if it’s the most intimate thing he’s ever done. His eyes fall on ever attribute of Jongin that he’s only ever dreamed that e could see up close. He wants to let his finger tips brace every single centimeter of his face, soaking it all in. Because, is Jongin even real?

Sehun gives a gentle pat to Jongin’s hips and that’s the queue for Jongin to settle himself in. He enters easily (Sehun really did a number on himself just a moment ago) but still gets a queasy reaction out of Sehun. He’s gasping because he’s so tight around Jongin, he’s gasping because his biggest first love is entirely inside him. He meets eyes with Jongin and blinks, hoping Jongin understands that it’s okay to move.

Even with Sehun’s wildest fantasies in a flurry, he can’t seem to chase those imaginations. What happens as of now feels just right. With Jongin’s delicate hips rocking generously, soft hands all over his body, it’s enough. He’s imagined gentle love making a couple of times but he’s always dreamed of being obliterated by Jongin. Right now, he prefers this more than anything.

Jongin’s breath comes in slow heaves with every thrust, matching up with Sehun’s breathy releases. Everything’s so light between them. Sehun is still shaking nonetheless, wrapping his arms around Jongin’s shoulder and bringing them as close as possible. When Sehun raises his knees, does he find the utmost pleasure. He clenches around Jongin, earning a deep groan. His mind is ablaze hearing that because he was the one to swindle it out of him. His mind is racing, leaving everyone in trouble to catch up with. All he can think about is _jonginjonginjongin_.

Just like that Sehun’s neediness breaks free.

“You’re not going to break me. I swear, Jongin. Do more.”

Jongin’s first rough thrust comes experimentally but still manages to knock the breath out of Sehun, unable to catch it as Jongin continues. Like the dancer he is with sultry, smooth hips, Sehun knew he had it in him. His thrusts are consistent, hitting Sehun in all the right ways that he thinks he just might pass out. Sehun digs his fingers into Jongin’s shoulder blades, running down with every hit to his sweet spot, wantonly whines and lewd moans escaping his body. He’s squeezes his eyes shut so tightly as his body shakes with every move Jongin initiates. He almost doesn’t realize that he comes with force, untouched with a cry of Jongin’s name.

“What, the fuck.” Jongin pants out against Sehun’s neck and Sehun feels himself warm and fuller within a couple of seconds.

There’s a sheer coat of sweat matted on Jongin’s body giving Sehun a feeling of accomplishment. When Jongin leaves the bed, Sehun’s heart falls to his stomach until he realizes that Jongin comes back shortly with a damp towel. He feels like a fool for thinking Jongin would leave after all that’s happened this night.

There’s a whole new look to Jongin as he hovers over him and wipes him down. His eyes have a different shine to them and Sehun doesn’t think he’d ever smiled this bright. Another thing that defeats him is that falling asleep in Jongin’s arms is the best feeling that he’s been missing out on his entire life.

 

Solar is six months when there’s a shooting star during a midnight bonfire at Baekhyun’s house with Sehun’s closest, most favorite people. He wishes that they’ll be in his life forever, and that maybe they’ll give him the strength to rekindle with those of contrast.

**Author's Note:**

> I had the most gigantic passion to write this when I started, then lost motivation and time management, then suddenly wrote this all in a very small time crunch, and somehow, I am still very proud of my work for only writing it in about two months. I may want to add more, and touch up on the smut scene and ending because that was honestly so half-assed.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I would feel so appreciated because this is my first very long story that is centered around EXO members!
> 
> Also, did you connect little pieces that weren't directly stated? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Baekhyun's role? Sehun's personal conflicts? Sekai childhood time frames?
> 
>  
> 
> 04/12/19 - 06/10/19   
> 


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